I’m Blessed

Last night, I was in the girls’ room while they were all sleeping.  Solveig was throwing up after naps yesterday.  She is known to be like a cat who always lands on her feet, except she always lands on her head.  In the case of yesterday, we went to a restaurant after church and Solveig was being silly and fell off her seat in the booth, and onto the floor.  Of course she hit her head.  It’s what she does.  I don’t even want to think about the long term damage of that.  The thought totally overwhelms me when I go down that road, like I did last night.  It looked pretty mild, so we went on with the day, but about 3 hours after her fall, she started throwing up all of that red jello that she ate at the restaurant.  Sadly, I know from experience what that means, and what to do about it.  I wish I had no idea what a concussion was.  Experience in this area is nothing to brag about.

Silje and I had another fight Saturday night.  The older she gets, the more she and I butt heads.  That scares me.  Ingrid has been climbing everything, and scaring me constantly.  If there were some way to tie them all up until they were 5 or so… or 18…25.  There’s not.  I’ve looked into it.

Last night I sat in their quiet, dark room, on Mother’s Day, and prayed for my girls.  Well all my kids, but these 3 have been on my mind a bit more than usual lately.

Worry is the enemy of mothers.  Never have I felt that as strongly as I did last night.  It was like this force that I kept trying to push back with prayer.  I think what scares me the most is how much I love my kids.  It’s scary isn’t it?  It’s terrifying how much we love our kids.  If we just sit and think about all that could happen to these treasures that we love with every cell in our body, it can completely paralyze us, like it did me last night.

And all we can do is pray.  Last night I was so blessed with prayer.  It’s such a gift to be able to pray.  We have an accessible God.

I mean, we can do what we can to prevent falls, we can be intentional about fostering trusting relationships, and learn to draw the line even when our kids don’t like it.  We can talk with moms who have lived through it, as I did yesterday after church.  I stopped to talk with this mom whose kids are high school and college age, and has a wonderful relationship with all 3 of them.  I retold the whole story of Silje and my relationship fumbles, and asked if I’m totally screwing it up.

She hugged me and told me that I did exactly what she would have done, and to just keep going.  She even pulled her college girl over to tell me stories of how they didn’t always get along, but eventually it all worked out because they just kept talking, and listening.  She told me that someday I will be friends with my adult children, but for now I shouldn’t be surprised if they’re mad at me and we’re not besties.  It’s just how it goes.  Of course I know that, but it was just so good to hear from this adult child’s mouth.

We need that too.  We need the encouragement of those who have gone before us.  I was so blessed by my friend at church who encouraged me when I had fear.

I’m thankful that God loves my kids more than I do.  I’m blessed that they are ultimately in his hands.

I’m so blessed to be a mother.  As heart-wrenching, difficult in life-changing ways, sleep-losing, question everything you thought you knew sort of way… it’s one of the best things in my life.  The hugs around my neck, the rocking with them and singing, the stupid jokes they tell that are so hysterical because they’re so bad, their excitement over every little thing, the way they look at the world, the way they will change the world, the way they inspire me and push me to be a better example to them every single day…I’m so blessed.