The "Why" About Homeschooling

One last question that was asked during the giveaway, was asking why we started homeschooling.  So I’ll tell you our story.  This is the detailed-filled story, so feel free to skip.  You can read about our initial thoughts on it from way back here.  Since this can be a very sensitive topic, I’d like to add a disclaimer that this is our story, and that means it does not have to be everyone’s story.  In this case, I’d like to take that further and say this is what we did for our child, in our situation.  I don’t mean to even come close or even hint at the idea that homeschooling is for everyone, or that it is the only Biblically acceptable way to raise a child.  I don’t want anyone walking away from their computer after this thinking that.  In our culture where studies say this and that, and everyone seems to have an opinion on how to raise your children, it’s easy to get defensive, or lose sight of what God has called you to do with your family.  However, since this is our story, I’m so passionate about it.  If that passion shines through, it is because God made our way so clear for us.  That passion isn’t intended for looking down on/guilt inducing use.

We always talked about our kids going to public school.  We had our reasons for that.  As I’m reading The Well-Trained Mind the story of how they began homeschooling resonated so much with me.  Part of me felt like I was reading our story.  That being said, I wouldn’t say that our story is “normal.”  Reasons for homeschooling vary as much as the children.

Silje taught herself to read right around the time she was turning 4.  Well, I spent about 30 minutes with her explaining phonics flash cards for her that I picked up at a second hand store.  She asked what they were, we went through them a few times, and that was that.  We read to her all the time.  She had most of the kids’ books in our house memorized, but I think that’s pretty common.  Kids love to read books until they are memorized because they get to feel so smart that they know what is going to happen!

I started to read Silje some chapter books out loud, just to open her mind to the idea of them.  Like most kids, it’s a big step to transition to chapter books, and she was a bit intimidated.  So I got her a big thick book of kid’s poetry.  Something like Where the Sidewalk Ends.  I asked her to read me one poem, and when she did, she laughed so hard she couldn’t wait to get to the next one…then the next.  She felt even more smart sitting there with a big book that was hers.  Picking up big books didn’t intimidate her after that, because she realized that you just read one page at a time.

It was a goal of mine to have all of my kids doing at least some reading before entering kindergarten so that they could start off on the right track.  I was hoping for them to easily handle most 3-4 letter words.  Silje just read all the time, and we encouraged her.  It was on her first day of kindergarten that my concern for her and worry that she wouldn’t fit in really accelerated.  Her bus ride to school was 1 hour long, and I told her to pick a book off of her shelf to read on the bus.  She skipped over to the bookshelf and chose Charlotte’s Web.  It was when she said: “I haven’t read this book in months!” that I realized, that wasn’t normal for a kindergartner to say on her first day of school.

We shared our worries about Silje to her teacher and principal, and they were both on top of it.  Since the building that she went to school with didn’t go beyond kindergarten, they had harder books brought into the library from other schools.  I had no problem with the teacher having her help other kids with reading, as I think the practice of teaching someone else ingrains learning on a deeper level.

We completely understood that she was learning nothing spectacular at school.  We spent most of our energy at home making sure she wasn’t going backwards.  All of a sudden, she didn’t like reading chapter books anymore.  She only liked books with pictures like her friends.  She complained about her books selection, and went back to her early readers.

That wasn’t the only thing she complained about.  She came home so crabby, which was maybe from the long days, the long bus rides, the over-stimulation.  It could have been a number of things, but she only went Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and I spent all day Tuesdays and Thursdays just helping her get back to “normal Silje” as best as I could.  She began to treat David like dirt under her feet, and argued more.  We thought she was just overtired perhaps, and tried to get her to sleep more.

Like I said, we knew she wasn’t learning anything.  That’s perhaps not a fair statement.  I think that new ideas were presented to her over the course of the school year.  However, if we kept her in school because of what she was learning, then shame on us.  We honestly kept her in school for the social aspect.  I mean, I tested her to read at a 5th grade reading level going into the year, and she spent the whole first week on the letter A.  To us, that wasn’t the point of kindergarten.  She got to make friends, and do fun paper crafts.  I may be a crafty person, but I rarely do crafts with my kids.  Crafting is my play time.  I wanted Silje to have an opportunity to do things like that.  I just didn’t have time to do those kinds of things with her. The reading factor would even out among the kids over time, after all…

I began to dread Fridays when she would bring home a stack of papers.  Fliers for skating lessons, hockey team, soccer team, gymnastics, etc.  Silje was convinced that all of her friends attended all of these activities and she was the only one missing out.  Not only were they expensive, but we would never see her if we enrolled her in even one of these activities.   We wanted her to be able to do fun extra-curricular things, but she already got home at 4:30pm.  By then it was time to get supper ready, eat, have a few minutes of family time and go to bed so she could be up at 6am to catch her bus.  What was going to give to let her be in an activity?  Family time?  Supper?  Bedtime?  She already was exhausted.  I began to wonder why we were pushing her to be so exhausted coming home, when there seemed to be so little benefit.  Not only that, but (this is not an exaggeration) I spent an hour every Friday trying to explain to her why she couldn’t do all the things she was convinced everyone else was doing.  It turned into a weekly fight.

The fund raisers drove me nuts.  I loved fund raisers as a kid, but hers were just annoying.  One after the other, after the other.  The breaking point where we said “no more” was when she brought a little address booklet home, and we were supposed to write in 10 addresses or something of our friends’ and family so that they could receive a fund raising letter in the mail.  Silje explained to us it was so simple.  We just had to fill out the form, and she’d get her prize.  We simply had to fill it out.  She was so pleased how easily she’d earn her reward on this one.

Knut nearly hit the roof.  Neither of us felt comfortable writing down addresses where we didn’t live.  We didn’t feel like we had the right to give away our friends’ addresses for some money plea.  We dug our heals in, and didn’t let Silje fill out  the booklet.  She was so upset with us for so long.  We tried to explain, but it got even worse when she came home and said “All of my friends got their prize.  All except me.  Why don’t you want me to get prizes?”  That made me so mad.

As we were debating about homeschooling, Silje started practicing for her music program that we were soon to go over.  It was about taking care of the earth.  Knut thought it would be some liberal munbo-jumbo, but I told him that there’s no harm in taking care of the earth.  It’s one of God’s mandates, isn’t it?  (Shhh…don’t tell the school that or they may stop teaching it.)  As long as they didn’t get into some weird Mother Earth worship, which I highly doubted, I was fine with it.  As she was learning new things in the songs, she started preaching to us about what we should be doing.

“Mommy, we need to get all new light bulbs.  We need the spirally kind.”
“Honey, we already use those.”  That confused her.

“Mommy, we need to start recycling.”
“Silje, we already recycle.  We do crazy recycling, actually.  You see those huge barrels in the garage?  Those are our recycling bins.”
“Well, Mommy, you need to recycle more.  We throw away too much.  We aren’t doing enough.”
At that point I rattled off in annoyance how we use cloth diapers, we dry our clothes on a clothesline, we buy energy efficient things whenever we can, we use rags instead of paper towels, we probably recycle more things than we throw away.  She gave me this look, and I won’t forget it.  It was this look that said “You just don’t get it.  You’re so dumb.”

So I was eager to see how this musical program would be, and it was far and beyond worse than Silje’s attitude.  It felt like a big propaganda to the parents on what we should be doing.  I felt like my child was being used to send me a message, and I don’t like my child being used for the purpose of someone’s agenda.  You’d think in music class they’d study musicians, or silly songs, etc.  It seemed that she learned how to teach her parents, since we were the ones who needed to be taught by her.  We were the dumb ones.

Around that same decision making time, I remember talking to a friend of mine who was a 1st grade teacher in another state.  As I told her some of the challenges we (her teacher and us) faced with her not getting bored in school, and my friend told me, “Don’t worry, Gretchen!  The only thing that she needs to learn in kindergarten is how to raise her hand and stand in line.  It’s just preparation for the rest of school.”

I had heard that many times before, but this time it hit me hard.  Was kindergarten just a year long orientation?  Is that what we went through this whole year of parent teacher conferences, and grouchiness, and waking up at the crack of dawn for her to spend 2 hours a day on the bus, was for?  It was all for orientation? It was then that I said out loud for the first time, “This is a year of my daughter’s life.  I don’t want a year of her life spent on learning to raise her hand.  It’s a waste of a whole year God gave her!”  I didn’t realize how I had felt until I said it. 

Not only that, but I was terrified and panicked about losing our Tuesdays and Thursdays with her when she went to 1st grade.  Those were the days that were saving her from losing her mind.  Those days we got to regroup and help her process all that she was learning and help her distinguish truth from lies.  If we lost those 2 days with her, when would we be able to disciple her?  When could we help her process?  Her childhood was flashing before my eyes and I felt such a responsibility to disciple her in Christ, and the outlook for doing that was looking more and more bleak.  Was I just supposed to hope that we did a good job with her the 6 years we had her, and just send her off?

As all of that was going on, we both thought it would be a good idea to see what was available out there for curricula as I did not feel prepared to homeschool.  Isn’t that crazy?  Knut and I both had a 4 year college degree, were great students, and presented out eldest to kindergarten with a 5th grade reading level and yet we felt so scared to take the leap to teach her at home.  I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I was completely blown away by the options out there.  I was kicking myself that the spring homeschool convention in my state had already passed, so I couldn’t go to just check out what is out there.  The more I looked and researched, the more I got sucked in.  There was so much out there it was overwhelming, and so awesome all at the same time. 

Silje seemed fine with doing school at home, as long as it wasn’t permanent.  I’ll admit, she missed her friends when school started in the fall.  For a long time, I think she felt like we were just playing school.  We finally had time for her to have extra-curricular activities since we had her home during the day.  She got to see other kids at homeschool group twice a month and her children’s choir once a week.

Other than wishing she could spend more time with friends, she’s thriving doing school at home.  Actually, she doesn’t ask to get together with friends any more than when she went to school.  Her reading comprehension is getting deeper, her imagination and work ethic are inspiring, This whole first year was a vast, successful experiment.  Maybe Silje will hate me for it over time, but I don’t have a single regret.  Not one.

The other part of the question asked was in regard to obstacles or family approval?  Some family was thrilled, and applauded us enthusiastically.  I wouldn’t say any was against, but there were several who were…we’ll say hesitant.  These days, it seems that everyone knows a homeschooling family, but very little about homeschooling, unless you’re actually in that crowd.  We get one particular family stuck in our brain and label that as “homeschooling” for good or bad.  For those who worried, we did make an attempt to address the concerns (which were mostly about socialization or missing out on “normal” kid things,) but in the end the proof was in the pudding.  If something really is best for my family, or if something clearly isn’t working, it shows.  We are fortunate, (and were a bit relieved) that even those who had concerns voiced them lovingly, and with respect.  I know not everyone’s story goes that way.