There’s been a looming thought going on in my head ever since I wrote this post about life after I “Kon Mari’d” our house based off of this book. I’ve noticed that I function better with a house less cluttered. I’ve never wrapped my head around organizing before, and this book made it so clear and attainable for not-naturally-organized me. I laughed at her silly references to thanking an item for it’s purpose before getting rid of it. In fact, this post has brought in a lot of unexpected traffic to this blog. It has moved consistently up on one of my most read posts, and keeps getting pinned over and over. Who knew?
I’m on a Facebook group where they discuss organizing with KonMari principles, and it’s fun seeing people reclaim their lives that have been absorbed with stuff. I don’t think I have recognized before this what a hold stuff had on my heart and took up space in my brain. I was astonished at the amount of time I spent in my life just caring for stuff. I felt convicted about all the ministry that I could have been involved in, and all the books I could have read with my kids, and all the stuff that was missed…taking care of stuff.
I also noticed that areas of my home that I didn’t KonMari in the first go-round because I figured they were fine and I just organized them months before soon became my least favorite areas of the home, and I actually had to go back and do those areas just for peace of mind. For instance, I felt my kitchen was pretty much under control because it was “just how I wanted it.” It didn’t take even a few weeks before I quickly realized it was now my most cluttered area of my home, and since I’m in it all the time it became a problem. So this last week Silje and I did a big KonMari of the kitchen and ended up taking a trip to the dump because we had 2 huge trash bags when we were done, as well as a trip to the food shelf. There was so much uneatable food, or food we don’t even eat anymore. I also decided I hated having anything on the counter and completely redid the cupboards so that my countertop could be clear. This method is just so good for cleaning my home.
At first I was impacted by how much false security I had in my stuff. I found this stuff cluttering my heart was cluttering my soul in some unexpected ways as well. It has impacted me deeper than I would have originally thought.
However…
there is one thing that I didn’t like about KonMari. I couldn’t put my finger on it and I’m finally getting clarity as to what it is. It starts with the little silly references to thanking items. I actually found this to be a good way to release an item that I felt I hadn’t really used. I felt before that it was bad to get rid of something that hadn’t had it’s full use yet. This book taught me that sometimes the purpose is to teach you something, and it’s not good to hoard things that you aren’t using, or going to use. It makes no sense to do so. I don’t see a big problem with personification as a means of getting an idea through to a reader.
However, this is just one example of the small, underlying philosophy in the book that is dangerous, and Christians should be cautious of. It’s the lack of distinction between people and things. Personification for the point of getting a point across is one thing. But I have read stories about people “KonMaring” people from their lives, getting rid of any person that doesn’t spark joy. These stories are actually very common. Quotes about this happening are in the front of the book.
While I completely acknowledge that some relationships are toxic, and there need to be space and boundaries, and sometimes a complete cut off, we need to be very wary of looking at people as objects who exist to make you happy. Stuff is disposable. People aren’t.
People are made in the image of God. Stuff isn’t. People need to be valued and loved even when they are unlovable, even when they they are broken. Sometimes especially when they are unlovable and broken
People aren’t objects. Objects don’t have feelings.
Unconditional love does not always spark joy. Sometimes it’s sparks the most excruciating pain. The best example of that I can think of is the crucifixion. God could have KonMari’d us. He didn’t. He ran in to save us, suffering terribly for it.
And yet it is good. It is necessary. It is a full reflection of God’s love for us.
So I feel like it needs clarifying that while I think this book is so great for managing your stuff, I strongly recommend that this method is not applied to people. If you have people issues, Boundaries is a great book to pick up. It’s a book about organizing relationships that recognizes the various emotions that are complex and unique to humans, and not stuff.
Carissa says
September 10, 2015 at 1:53 pmI had a similar trepidation about this book! It started when I first went to buy it. At the time it was listed as the #1 best seller in “spiritual and religion” books. Now it’s just the #1 best seller in books over all (I just checked). It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the ideas of this book! I also had a strange sense that Marie Kondo is rather materialistic in the sense that she is overly concerned about stuff. I get that this is her chosen line of work, but it’s what she’s been obsessed with her whole life. I get the impression that she doesn’t have many people in her life, just her stuff. Its easy to get sucked in to that mentality when you’re doing this process. I’ve been very conscious to not let myself get sucked in to this version of “stuff-itis”.
I’ve been reccomending this book all over the place. Now I feel I need to go back and add a warning label.
Mom says
September 10, 2015 at 2:17 pmI need to get this book. You are right about people, and I love how you have changed Kon Mari from a noun to a verb. 🙂
Gretchen says
September 10, 2015 at 2:22 pmI’m just copying others. On the internet it’s abbreviated to KM’ing a lot now. Seriously, Mom, it’s a thing. 🙂
Sarah says
September 10, 2015 at 2:26 pmYes!! So true. I basically read most of that philosophical stuff through the eyes of grace, and actually transferred the idea of thanking the object to instead thanking God for the item instead, for His provision for our family. So so interesting to think of people transferring the concept to people as that never even would have occurred to me but I can imagine the dangers of embracing her philosophies would lead to this danger. I mainly felt that she was and always had been obsessed with material things in her own way just like Carissa. Like instead of preoccupation with obtaining objects she was just as preoccupied with eliminating items for its own sake, even to the detriment of her family relationships which is probably just another manifestation of the danger you were noticing as viewing people on par with objects. Decluttering is not the end goal for those of us being saved- it is only useful insofar as it enables us to better serve our Lord with singleminded devotion. There is nothing necessarily sinful about living in some clutter depending on how the Spirit leads your heart to follow him and we all live with emotional clutter and relationships that don’t always bring us deep joy as a result of sin in the world.
Good post Gretchen, thanks for making me think!!
Gretchen says
September 10, 2015 at 2:40 pmSarah, I love this comment so much. I wish I could doodle little hearts all around it.
Stephanie Jones says
September 10, 2015 at 2:43 pmYes yes and yes! I completely agree! It is for that reason I thought thanking some items, I just couldn’t do. I couldn’t thank items, that had no life in them. It felt weird. I didn’t want to give them the same treatment that I gave people. Just didn’t seem right.
Ulrika says
September 10, 2015 at 4:18 pmI agree. That’s what made me hesitant when I started reading the book and joining facebook-groups. The thought of thanking a dead item with no emotions seemed so wrong to me. I’d thank the higher power for it but not the item.
It seems to become almost cult-like now. And although I recognise the power of books it’s still our higher power that changes us, not a person or an inanimate object.
It’s a nice book but one needs ro remember that its just that, a book.
Elizabeth says
September 10, 2015 at 4:52 pmI have not read her book, though she sure is popular right now! I recently had a dinner party of 15 people and 2 kids (was fun!!!) and cleared off one of our kitchen counters… since then I realized I did not like how cluttered it was and am rearranging things (it was all things needed – stereo – esp. – but am putting elsewhere. I had noticed that one of my blog friends commented that the author seemed to be very anxious and wanted a very controlled environment – and not one that had little kids in it! (this blog friends has 3 under 3 or so, twins etc)…. It is very important to realize what philosophies we are taking in and I can see that you are really trying to do this! God is so wonderful to us and that we are made in His image is crucial, of vital importance! obviously, it’s the first thing or one of the first things He teaches us about humans in the very beginning of His Word!!! I liked Sarah’s comment also… I have a lot of things but space for them (that is key for me) and esp. dishes that were my Grandmothers, etc are treasures that I use for hospitality… so all things in balance. always love reading your thoughts! God bless you!
Kristin says
September 10, 2015 at 4:53 pmI feel like this book is everywhere I look right now in my life! I read one blog, they are talking about it. I read another, they are talking about! I haven’t ever read the book, but I almost feel like I don’t need to now with how much it’s being covered.
I am a follower of the blog Money Saving Mom, and she is doing a series right now on this book. I commented on that blog how you had some concerns with people “KonMari’ing” people. I thought that was such a good observation that I linked this post in the comments of her post. So don’t be surprised if you have even more traffic to your blog. 🙂
Nadine says
October 28, 2015 at 9:00 amThis is brilliant. Thank you for writing this.
Madeliene says
November 13, 2015 at 11:02 pmI think people who spend a lot of time alone as children tend to personify objects more so than most people. I have always had a hard time making human friends, so toys, blankets, even little pebbles I found on the playground, became like friends to me. Where people never seemed to understand me completely, stuffed animals never questioned my quirks.
It’s sort of like when a person talks to plants, or pet fish. You know they don’t understand what you’re saying, but it helps to have someone (or something) to talk to. A little glass frog can easily be as endearing as a pet guppy.
That said, I agree on the importance of taking extra care for living things even if they don’t always bring you joy. I think sometimes with people, you are supposed to help bring the other person joy, even if it doesn’t return. In addition to the people in life, pets should also get that extra effort to build a joyful relationship. It still shocks me that people so often buy animals on a whim, when even the common goldfish is (or should be) a fifteen year commitment.
The thing about the book that jumped out at me was a part on page 40, when Ms. Kondo was frustrated and overwhelmed by her untidy room: “I don’t want to tidy anymore!” She cried, and then thought: “Would someone please tell me why my room isn’t tidy when I work so hard at it?” She then heard a voice: “Look more closely at what is there.” That is when she realized she should focus on what to keep, not what to get rid of. I think perhaps that God called Ms. Kondo to help the world with tidying, and he gave her that advice.
God bless all of you!
sunny says
March 23, 2017 at 11:08 amI had some of the same concerns you did when I read the book. I’ve had the book for two years now. (I really should start and complete the Konmari process (KM for short). Glad you brought up the topic of when people Konmari people out of their lives. I was never comfortable with that idea.
I also don’t thank the items BUT a turn point for me this week was when I let go of some things I’d had forever, and I realized that I was quite thankful for the use they provided, but they can now go bless someone else. The moment I experienced thankfulness for the items, I felt this release in my heart and didn’t feel bad letting go of those things. I also found that I needed to tell myself, “It’s okay to let these things go, and it’s okay that you have different tastes now and don’t need these items anymore!” Another sense of relief when “hearing” those words – as if I was holding onto things too long.
I don’t make things into people but I’d had this tendency to want to find good homes for things like magazines I’d collected or books or electronics I no longer needed. But I like that FlyLady helps us see that what’s important is to get the items out of the house so that there’s less clutter. I’m keeping flylady and marie kondo in mind as I go through my condo.
Nice to read how KM and FlyLady have helped you. I have the head knowledge – now it’s just doing something with all that knowledge!