I’m Blessed

Last week, friends was very difficult.  It was a perfect storm of the fatigue of the end of harvest, and the bad diet I had been feeding my family as every meal was quick, easy and processed as I was so sick of being in my kitchen.  My kids weren’t seeing their dad enough as harvest is obviously his busy time at work, and our schedule was out of routine, which is very important to some of my kids.

I hesitate in writing about the struggles with one particular strong willed child in my family, and you likely guess who I mean.  They joys of having him in our house far exceed the struggles, but some days are hard.  He pushes the boundaries and rules often, almost for security, and if we budge a little, he falls apart, as though his world no longer makes sense.  So he tests us often, and we must stay firm.  One morning last week, he had a meltdown that lasted 4 hours because I required him to make his bed.  I could have skipped it, but I knew he needed the routine.  I knew he would fall apart the rest of the day if I let him have this one.  So I stood my ground…for 4 hours.

One of the hard parts about harvest is that once it is done, all the kids, this child in particular, will unconsciously re-test all of the rules with their dad, to make sure everything is still the same.  So exhausted Knut has to stand his ground over and over as well for a week or two with the kids.

Yesterday at church we had about the worst time with the kids as we have ever had.  We got called out of our Sunday School class because the kids were not doing well in their classes.  They started practicing Christmas carols for the program, and it was more change than my child-who-needs-routine could take.  Then during church, Knut had to sit back in a Sunday school classroom with him the entire service because he was falling apart.

After church I went to check on them.  I’ve also learned that I cannot swoop in and rescue either Knut or my kids from conflict.  They have to work through it, and I always make it worse.  Knut asked me what to do to get this child out of a meltdown, and I said to keep holding your ground.  He’ll come around.  Exhausted Knut had a pleading look for help, and I knew that my presence was just a quick bandaid, so I asked if I should get one of the other elders in to help.  Knut agreed quickly to this idea.

So I found another elder, and luckily it was the elder who has his doctorate in education, and works out at the summer camp our kids attend.  I said we needed some help, and could he spare a few minutes?  So Knut and this friend were in the classroom with our child who was melting down for another hour and a half after church, until he came out of it.

It was encouraging that our friend just did the same things we did.  Afterwards he told us to just keep doing what we’re doing.  We were doing exactly what this child needs.  It’s hard, but stay the course.  As humiliating as this episode felt, to have that encouragement from a guy who knew what he was talking about was very reassuring.

I have been working on getting this child back on his diet, with the small interruption of Halloween.  Harvest finished on Saturday, and there will be a slow return to routine over the next few weeks.  It’s been 5 years of making small changes, since we have seen this side of this child.

We don’t like to broadcast all the issues this child has, because we know, and are assured by experts  that given the right tools and therapies, he will grow out of it, and we don’t want labels following him around for the rest of his life.  We want to keep the bar set high for him.  We know he will do great things.

And yet, some days are so hard.  Talking with other parents who have “special needs” kids helps.  They understand you just have to trust the process and stay the course, even on the days when it is hard.

As I think this morning to how we have been blessed, and I’m so thankful this is not the life we deal with everyday.  In fact, we haven’t seen this side of our son this bad for close to 5 years.  I’m thankful that our normal routine is working, and we have received such great help from some wonderful people.  I’m so blessed that despite judgment we have received from some about how we have decided to raise this child, that Knut has been so on board, and supportive of this route.  Being on the same page is just huge.

I’m so blessed with the depth of relationship that I have with this child, and how much that has grown in the last few years.  I’m so blessed that Knut is such a steady dad for the kids.  He’s this rock that holds us all up.

Finally, I’m so appreciative that today has been a great day, and I have my “regular” kid back.  He’s his normal self now, and getting so much done in school.  I think we are over the worst.