I’m Blessed

I’m trying to still my head for a moment to write this post.  At the beginning of the summer, Knut’s family put out several dates for our big weekend out at the family lake cabin all together, with all of his siblings and family.  I responded with 2 weekends that would potentially work for us.  I never heard anything else about it, but when we got back from our little family getaway at camp, I was met with the reminder that the following days/weekend was one I said was available for the family get together at the lake, and we were going to turn around and spend more time lakeside.  Don’t put away those suitcases!  Do enough laundry to repack them!

At the same time, Knut had a chance to fill a position to be a delegate at our church denomination’s bi-annual convention that takes place not far from us.  We were delegates together last time, and it was a blast.  I know how amazing going to this convention is, so I offered to take the kids to the lake myself to hang out with his family, so he could go to the sessions during the day and come meet us and drive out to the lake in the evenings.

So I don’t think it would have been so overwhelming if I weren’t such an introvert.  As I’ve said, I like being home.  I like hanging out with small groups.  Knut’s family is lovely, but they are not small.  In addition to my 5 kids, there are our 9 nieces and nephews.  That’s right, 14 little kids.  Silje and David are the oldest at 10 and 8.  Most of them are under 6.

We just haven’t been home.  Yesterday after Knut, Silje and I returned from a play we saw in town, that has been in the plans for months, we came home to a messy home and I just lost it.  Everywhere I looked there was work to be done.

You know when you try to clean off a counter, but you can’t put anything in the trash can because it’s overflowing.  You try to get dishes off the table, but there’s no space on the counter. (We don’t have a dishwasher.)  I had attacked the house and garden the day before with the help of the older kids, and I had thought we had done well.  Then Sunday came, and it felt like time consuming messes where everywhere I looked, and Ingrid, our current tasmanian devil in residence, just wouldn’t let up.

Yesterday was the first day that I longed for Fall.  It was the first day when I was so DONE with Summer.  Oh, can we have structured days of school please?  Days where leaving the house means bringing Silje to piano lessons and coming right home and doesn’t involve suitcases.  Days where bedtimes are predictable.  Days when the sun goes to sleep earlier and you can’t see work all around you until the late hours.  Days when my husband is out on the tractor until midnight and I sit on the couch, knitting and watching “Pride and Prejudice” by myself for the 60th time.

I struggle this time of year to be content in the moment, and not long for what is around the corner.  I just throw my hands up at the next wrench in my plans and say “whatever” which is normally followed by a meltdown.  The temptation is there to tell myself “hold on.  Just ride through this and you’ll make it to the other side.  Pretty soon the season you love will be here.  Just a few more weeks.”

I don’t want to just survive until the next season.  I don’t want to just hang on until the “good times.”  I don’t believe that is what God has called us to do.  He has not put us on this earth to just survive.

I want to give thanks for today.

I want to rejoice in the Lord always.

I want to be content regardless of the circumstance.

(Can you tell I’ve been reading in the book of Philippians lately?)

There is joy available everyday.  I firmly believe that.  It’s whether we choose to ignore it and swim in our gripes, or open our eyes to the blessings he has given for this day.

Here are some blessings on my heart:

-enough food to feed my kids this morning.

-overwhelming color outside, from the deep green fields, bright green grass, purple and white coneflowers, bright yellow sunflowers, golden sun tea warming in the garden.

-comfort of Scriptures available at my fingertips.

-a husband who responded to me snapping at him last night with leaving the room and returning with dark chocolate for me, and told me to sit and knit and eat chocolate for awhile.  He’s such a wise man.  I’m lucky to have him.  No, I’m blown-away-blessed to have him.

-the beautiful way in which kids force you to slow down.  Snuggling before nap time, sitting and reading a book, hugs and kisses after a fall.  You can’t rush them.  You just can’t.  You’ll end up frustrated and yelling.  You have to match their pace, and just soak it in.  That’s how they roll.  They’re soaking it all in.

Like a child.  Those are the people Jesus said we were supposed to be like.

I’m blessed.