I feel so unworthy to write an “I’m Blessed” post right now. I feel like I have nothing profound to say. Somedays I feel like no one reads this. Many times I think it doesn’t matter. I let it get inside my head sometimes. As someone who strives to communicate, I wonder if I’m giving off the right impression? Am I saying things correctly? Am I focusing on the right things? Sometimes I think I should talk only about crafts. Other times I think I shouldn’t talk about my faith as much and just make it a crafting blog. More often I think I should talk about it more. Should I focus on farm things, school things, faith things, knitting things?
There’s this desire in me to be outstanding.
I’m not.
I’m not saying that to fish for compliments, I know how far from excellence I am. I’m the one who moved away all the dirty dishes out of this photograph above to make a pretty picture of my eggs to show you. I see all over the internet better photographers, better communicators, much better knitwear designers, better moms, better organizers, funnier people, prettier people, more godly people, smarter people…
You get the picture.
I make numerous grammar mistakes that I find only days later. I haven’t had a quiet time with God in days, and haven’t done anything for Lent with my kids like I’ve been planning for weeks to do, not even light the candle in the cool candleholder thingy that I got. One of my kids is really annoying me these days, and I don’t give my husband nearly the attention he deserves.
Where was I going with this?
I am incredibly ordinary. As I pray over this post, asking God what I should say, and what is he trying to teach me through this discipline of writing that I’m driven to do, I’m reminded that:
ordinary people are his favorite people to use.
Seriously, before that last paragraph, I had no idea where I was going with this and had to stop and pray. I was just ranting my frustration when I stopped to pray because I had no where to go from there.
I did know when I started this post, that all those feelings I was having, were truth mixed with lies. Technically, it is true. But the overall message is a lie. It’s a big lie that seeps into the everyday that says,
“God can’t use you.”
“There are better qualified people for this.”
“Therefore…what’s the point?”
Or my favorite, “Oh, you have a lot on your plate. You have to give yourself a break.”
I don’t want to give myself a break and just sit here in the muck. I want to be better. I don’t need permission to compromise; I need God.
You see, I have seen amazing fruit of writing, designing, mothering, housewife-ing, (is that a word, and if it is, does it mean what I think it means?) cooking, gardening, etc.
But no matter what success I see, it’s never enough.
We are a culture that worships excellence. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s not what makes us blessed.
You see, it is written:
“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.”
Matthew 5:3-7
Jesus’ words go on there…for awhile! God brought this passage to mind as I consider what kind of people He considers blessed.
One of my children’s godparents died this last week. He was a dear friend of ours. Silje plays on their piano in our living room everyday. His widow lays heavy on my heart right now. We will bury him next Monday.
This week, I’m blessed with my failings. I’m blessed in my mourning. I’m blessed with my lacking, and my thirst.
Because that’s when God shows up.
or maybe…that’s when I notice God is here.
So today, this ordinary housewife is so, so blessed…
Because God shows up. He does not forget. He does not put these incredible expectations on me, or make me prove myself in some way. No, he is taking this ordinary, flawed, woman, and won’t leave me where I am. He is patiently, invading every part of my life until every bit of it is blessed. The biggest lie I get sucked into might be that I am capable of being god-like, and since I’m not, something must be wrong with me.
I was made in God’s image, but I was never designed to be a god. No, I was designed to need God from the beginning. Isn’t that amazing? Needing Him is not one of our sins.
Needing Him is our salvation. We are saved through Jesus’ sacrifice. We are sanctified as we depend on Him more and more, not less and less.
I am blessed.
Dahle says
March 10, 2014 at 12:44 pmAmen! Thanks for posting.
Reinventing Mother says
March 10, 2014 at 2:20 pmWe women spend so much time comparing ourselves to others. I am sooooooo guilty of this. So guilty in fact that I committed myself to an entire year of “lent” in giving up that vice.
I was told all my life by my family that I wasn’t good enough and have spent my entire married life trying to overcome it.
God uses all this in his time for his good!
I love coming here and reading. I love your photos. I don’t have that skill and never will. It’s not me. But I am full of joy when I see yours and I think that is where God wants us….finding joy in each other.
Keep writing and snapping my friend!!!!!! You are loved!
elizabeth says
March 10, 2014 at 2:29 pmI can really relate to your sense of discouragement and lately I have been thinking that a lot of discouragement can come from the father of LIES, the devil.
Indeed why would our beloved Lord Jesus Christ want to discourage us ! (unless it was to discourage us from sinning but that is not what the topic is here!)…
Years ago (nearing 20 years my goodness) I went to a Bible school in Sweden when I was a newly minted 20 year old. My RA was lovely and I remember she and I talking about the topic of discouragement/encouragement and she commented that she had learned that the discouraging thoughts always come from the devil…
On other topics, It’s ONLY week 2 of Lent! You can still light the candle! I have for years tried to grow in Lenten disciplines and I find it takes years. I can’t tell you how many times I have failed to do things I wished to do (like reading the Bible passage in our Lenten Scripture reading guides) over the years. I and other Christian women who try to honour Lent have seen this also: the first week of Lent is usually REALLY hard. The devil hates prayer, hates anything we do to try to enter more fully into Lent so that we enter more fully into the reality of our Lord Jesus Christ’s VICTORY over death, hell and the devil. Christ is RISEN.
Anyway; take heart. I really enjoy your blog for one. I have it in my feedly reader (and so do others, I can see the stats on that!), you are way better at knitting than me (I am just starting a sock and totally messed up the knit and purls) and I really enjoy your words, thoughts and find you to have a good sense of language.
I am going to say a prayer for you today that God will continue to encourage you.
Before I go, and sorry for the long comment, but I wanted to say I am truly sorry for your loss. How difficult for your family to lose someone so dear to everyone. May God have mercy and comfort your hearts…
Jenna says
March 10, 2014 at 3:10 pmWow…beautiful words. Thank you for sharing your heart. Will walk away pondering “He does not put these incredible expectations on me, …no, he is taking this ordinary, flawed, woman and won’t leave me where I am.” So thankful I stopped by from Ann’s today!
Janine says
March 10, 2014 at 3:14 pmI usually read your blog though a feed and I don’t think I have ever commented here before. I imagine there are a lot of people like that reading here.
Anyway I came out of lurking to tell you these words you wrote today were exactly what I have needed to hear.
We are both blessed. 🙂
Amanda says
March 10, 2014 at 3:44 pmI do and think and feel all the same things. I am reminded that God is always where we left Him and that we cannot, despite all our inadequacies, change the plan He has for our lives. If you seek Him, you will find him. He is always there.
Diana Crump says
March 10, 2014 at 4:02 pmThank you.
Rachel says
March 10, 2014 at 6:07 pmI never comment–just “lurk,” like Janine said earlier. But today I want to express my appreciation for your honest, thoughtful blog. You are an excellent writer who never fails to hit some type of a note of truth, even though I am at a very different stage of life than you. Your struggles and triumphs (and the ordinariness in between) bring back memories of raising my own children. It was a challenging, discouraging, triumphant, humbling, up and down (you get the picture) time of life.
Take it from an old-timer, looking back on this stage of life:you are doing fine–better than fine. Your heart is in the right place.
Anna says
March 10, 2014 at 7:03 pmI lurk all the way from Sweden, waiting eagerly and curiously for every new post that comes along. I knit, that’s how I found your blog in the first place, but I must admit I enjoy everything you share about your family and faith the most. We are also in the end of winter and as always (I think) this is the most difficult time of year to cope with anything at all; children, work, housework. My energy is all spent surfing the dark winter and it’s still a long time until it’s all green and friendly outside. I can soooo relate to those feelings of not being good enough for anything or anyone. Thankyou for sharing and reminding me that it’s the same for all of us, even though we all are pretty great after all….
Donna says
March 10, 2014 at 8:20 pmWonderful post! From one ordinary person to another 🙂
Have a blessed day!
Michele says
March 10, 2014 at 11:11 pmI, too, am a lurker and am called out to speak up (well, write up) and say thank you for this post. I enjoy all your posts but this one really touched my heart. Your post is an example of how God uses us without our even knowing it to touch others. I have a very different life from yours (my children are grown and gone and I live in a city) but your blog always gives me a sense of community, in a way, that means a great deal to me. Keep writing about what you like, and thank you for that.
Kerry says
March 10, 2014 at 11:33 pmGretchen, I just had to laugh at times while reading this post because I can SO relate! I saw myself in so much that you struggle with. I really appreciate your honesty and your insight. Your blog has blessed me–trust me! God IS working through your writing and so much more. Perfectionism is such a snare for some of us (I know it well). Please know that you are making a difference.
Lisa Bartholomew says
March 11, 2014 at 12:59 amKeep writing your posts as you have been,,,,talking about your faith, blessings, crafts and frustrations. It is blogs like yours that I read and appreciate. Ordinary, real women!!! I don’t want to read about the perfect home… they aren’t real.
EnglishLiz says
March 11, 2014 at 10:18 pmI stumbled across your blog and love to read it mainly as your life is so very different to my own. For a start I live in England in a city and I love to think about the farm where you live. I am a working parent with two children and a loving husband. I was bought up in a faith but my husband wasn’t. I miss the rhythms of the church year and try to guide my children towards them. My faith is not as deep as yours but it occasionally whispers to me, reminding me that it is still there. I think on days like these you can only be kind to yourself. We are all imperfect living in an imperfect world trying to do our best. All you need to know is that you love and are loved.
Natasha says
March 12, 2014 at 12:10 pmThank you so much for posting. I read your blog a lot and am so thankful for it.
God Bless!
Emily says
March 13, 2014 at 2:48 amSuch beautiful words…thank you so much for taking the time to pray for and write this post. Your spirit led outpouring really spoke to me tonight. I’ve struggled with many of the same things you mentioned, and your words were just what I needed.