Well, I don’t know where to start, and I haven’t decided yet what to share. It’s been busy here at our house…a different kind of busy. There is so much to catch up on that you will just have to settle for an abridged version.
We went to the county fair. It was my kids’ first time entering 4H projects. Since the accident messed up our schedule, Silje had to leave 2 unfinished projects at home and only bring 2 projects (a flower arrangement and a painting) as well as 2 sets of chickens: 1 pair of laying hens and 1 pair of meat birds. She won blue ribbons in her regular projects, and red ribbons for the chickens. The laying hens were not mature, and that was an automatic red ribbon. We learned something new there. We were a bit surprised by our meat birds taking a red ribbon, but we’re over it. The judge likes cornish-cross and Silje’s entries were red rangers. The judge said red rangers belong in the breeding class, but I was under the impression that red rangers were hybrids, and therefore disqualified from the breeding class.
We rest in the fact that at least our red rangers will taste good. They’re the misfit breed, I guess.
David submitted a project board on chess, and got his Cloverbud rainbow ribbon, and he showed a single meat bird in the Cloverbud category, and got his rainbow ribbon there too. He has 2 more years yet before he’s out of the Cloverbud age group in 4H. He did so well.
As for me, I submitted a sweater, a pair of fingerless mittens, and a jar of rhubarb jelly to open class. They were all things I made this year, but not really for the fair. All of them were made before the accident. They were just in “fair” condition. This is only the 2nd time I’ve entered anything in open class. Last time was 2 years ago and I entered 1 knitting project that took a blue ribbon home. This year I got a blue ribbon for each of the 3 things I entered, and that was fun.
The fair was too much for me, though. I think it was silly for me to think I could do it. I’m feeling the effects of those days helping out the kids. As an individual, my body still hurts from the accident, but as a mother, I hurt seeing my kids miss out on things they’ve been looking forward to for a year on my account. So I tried.
It was only going to be 2 days, and then several days of a break from the fair, but packed days, nonetheless. Then at the end of the week we were to pick up the projects, and go on some rides. The 2 days there were so overwhelming, even though my mother-in-law watched Elias and Solveig while we were at the fair. I don’t think I felt how bad it was until I got home. That’s when all the plans changed.
The funny thing is, the pain has been improving as the right side of my neck (the “good” side) has started to give a bit for the chiropractor. So thankful for that!! The left side (side of car impact) still won’t budge for him. As the pain has been dropping, my anxiety has been popping up. It’s not like anything I’ve ever gone through before, and it’s hard to explain. I won’t try. We had such a full summer planned, and I just needed it to stop. I just wanted all this rushing here and there to stop. I just wanted to stay still. Stay home. Hold my babes and just hold them in my lap and read them stories, and…
just be.
That’s all I wanted. Everything got overwhelming. So to make an extraordinary long story very short, we decided to just start saying “no” to a lot of things our whole family had our hearts set on doing. Some of the things we’ve been planning for months, but we just had to say “no.” We decided to make some deep sacrifices, and just settle me down, both mind and body. We called out my old counselor who I used to see some years ago, and she’s been a huge help and a continued dear friend.
While I hated that we had to do that, I was so blessed by the way my husband and kids took care of me. They all handled it so incredibly well. All of them just wanted to help. Poor Knut, who can’t stop moving ever, and had the most riding on all of the activities we cancelled, just stayed home and kept the house quiet, the kids fed, and just held me often when I needed some strong arms around me. He’s not a good “Mr. Mom” and I saw him doing jumping jacks in the hallway just to survive the stillness of it all. He’s an incredible dad, though, and my love. I am so blessed by him.
We built a fort in the basement with the kids with just sheets and couches. We read books, and picked some raspberries on a walk with Lena and Missy, and talked, and talked, and talked. I was so blessed by that time and I will treasure it all of my days. Not once did I hear a complaint from my kids for our cancellations, and they just snuggled me back. I wonder how badly we all needed that.
It was a much needed rest. I am told by my chiropractor, that healing isn’t often a route between point “A” and point “B.” It’s often like peeling back an onion, and discovering what needs to be worked on next. I wouldn’t say I’m over the anxiety that took over for awhile. I would say that I’ve learned many new things in how to deal with it as I move forward.
I’ve been blessed with some quiet reading time, a good amount of time for reflection on all that’s been going on. I’ve been needing some perspective.
I feel like so far, everything is normal with me. It’s normal to experience pain when you have been broadsided by another car. It is normal to experience anxiety when your 6 month old baby comes inches from being crushed in a car accident. It’s normal to want to process that. It’s normal to just want to sit and hold your children all day when you know full well it could have ended so differently.
It’s normal to just want to sit and worship, and have your prayers of thanks never, ever stop.
I am so blessed.
Stephanie says
July 22, 2013 at 1:20 pmI have been reading your blog for several years now and don’t always comment. My husband was in an accident five years ago that put him on permanent disability. In March he went through another major surgery from the accident. We have had to cancel soo many plans with the kids, and there is so much he can no longer do with them but he does his best. The kids see this and yours will too. They seem to understand what is going on. As much as we had to disappoint our kids we have learned that disappointment is part of life, having to disappoint our kids because of what we can’t do has allowed us to help our kids navigate the inevitable disappointments of life with love and has helped them to understand how to handle disappointment. I am sending prayers of healing and comforting your way.
Anonymous says
July 22, 2013 at 3:48 pmSummer gets the best of us all sometimes…so good to hear that you took a break and to just ‘be’.
You mentioned your neck pain and chiropractor and since I’ve gone through neck pain for almost 10 years I wanted to share a thought.
I saw multiple chiropractors before finding one that ‘understood’ and after a years worth of weekly appointments finally was able to get my right side of the neck to ‘release’ on her command. It felt amazing…but I never could go much longer than 7 days before I felt the tightness start to overcome me again. It would send me back to the chiro.
About 18 months into the adventure, I sought out additional help from a massage therapist. I cannot begin to describe with words what a HUGE benefit this was for my health and my neck pain.
It took a few visits with the therapist for us both to understand what hurt and how to treat it. For instance, if I was laying down on my back or stomach, there was no tension for her to massage. She was puzzled with my continuing complaints after the massages. Then, we realized, I must be sitting up to engage the muscles, so now I receive my neck messages while sitting up and oh my goodness does it relieve the tightness and tension.
After a months worth of weekly visits, my neck made such huge improvements, I no longer had to see the chiro weekly.
Now I see the chiro maybe 2 times a year and the massage therapist every other week when my schedule allows.
It has made all the difference in the world!
Perhaps ask your chiropractor for a referral to a massage therapist?
Also, yes, my chiropractor does have a massage therapist who would work on the muscles for about 10 minutes before my actual treatment, but that short massage was nothing comparable to seeing a full time massage therapist who gives specialized massages.
Good luck and will pray for you!
Lisa says
July 23, 2013 at 12:59 amI am so glad you are healing! Great job slowing down.
Anonymous says
July 25, 2013 at 8:25 pmI am so glad your healing continues, and you and your family are doing what is needed for that to happen. I’m so sorry for your accident.