Gretchen Ronnevik

I’m Blessed

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I had the most wonderful weekend.

In order to tell you the good parts, though, I have to admit some bad.  I have been struggling.  I don’t think I’ve been keeping that a secret, as I try to be honest.  There’s a line, though, of being honest, and crying out for help and I try to keep my cries for help directed in the right places.  Being the messy-brained person I am, it would be difficult to pinpoint exactly what I’ve been struggling with because I would open up my spaghetti brain, and I would tell you how this relates to that and then this happened, and that impacted this, and then it all came crashing down there, and then…

I’ll just say it’s complicated.  Like every other person I’ve ever known, I’m broken.  I’m not strong, except when it comes to being stubborn.  I’m needy.  I have baggage.  What else can I say that is making me uncomfortable?  I overreact.  There’s a good one.  I could add to the list, but I’ll stop there.

Anyway, Knut and I already decided on Saturday that I would stay home with Solveig and Ingrid from church on Sunday, since all 3 of us have recently (or) currently have this pink eye.  I was bummed to miss church, because I need it so much.  It effects my week so intensely.  I couldn’t see any other way around it, though, and I didn’t want either of them near a nursery.

Like many Sunday mornings, there is snapping and arguing, and the kids are pretty bad too.  I got upset at Knut for not doing something I had asked him to do the exact way I had asked him to do it.  It turned out my way was right, and his way was wrong, and if he would have just listened…

We’ve all been there.

Then with me upset, and him running out of time, he took the older 3 to church, leaving me with the younger 2 at home.  We said we were sorry before he left, but I was honestly still annoyed.

The morning was actually pretty peaceful with only 2 kids in the house.  I got some time to myself even as Ingrid napped and Solveig was playing nicely.  That was a big blessing.

Knut came home from church with a small bunch of flowers for me.  Normally I love flowers, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to not be annoyed with him anymore.  It was a super sweet gesture, but I was just so…mad at the world.  Since he’s the only grown up I see between many days, when I’m mad at the world, it is often directed at him.  He knew, though, that I’ve been dealing with deeper stuff than just this morning.  He knew how deep it went and how much I’ve been hurting.  He was trying to cheer me up.  Sometimes I just hate how much baggage I came into this marriage with.

I was just mad that I was the only one who does stuff (which isn’t true, by the way) and I was mad that no one ever listened to me (which also isn’t true) and if everyone would just do as they are told, when they are told, the way they are told to do it, than the whole household would just run better. (I’m still on the fence on whether or not this is true.)

Can any mom out there relate?  Sigh.

Anyway, this next part is really personal, but I want to write about it because I want so badly to remember it.  As I started putting the flowers in a vase, Knut was bringing stuff in from the van.  He mentioned as he worked, “We had communion today.”

I sighed.  My eyes closed briefly with the added hurt and I took a deep breath.  Our church serves communion once a month.  Last month I missed it because I had taken out an unruly child about 10 minutes before it was served.  Now this was my second month, and my heart ached.  “Now I’m bummed I missed it.”

“I thought you might, so I brought communion home for you,” he said as he brought in a few other things picked up in town.

What?  How does one bring communion home, exactly?  I had never heard of such a thing.

Well, a little while ago, Knut was elected as elder-designate at our church.  That means that he will be doing the duties of an elder for a year, as a trial, after which time he can decide to get his ordination, or if he thinks the role is too much, he can step back.  One of the duties he has been doing has been to be one of the servers during communion.  After he had served communion, he packed a wafer and some grape juice up, and brought it home for me.  Just like that.

When we had a quiet moment after all the kids were in bed that evening, he read some text from the Bible, and gave me the elements, and then we prayed together.

Can I even begin to express what that meant to me?  Would it even scratch the surface?  Someone had remembered me.  Someone anticipated my needs before I had even expressed them.  Knut’s actions reminded me acutely of an even greater man, the Son of God who remembered me…and anticipated my needs before I even knew them.  The gospel was there before me, in the form of communion, and I was reminded, “Do this in remembrance of me.”

In remembrance of Christ.  My focus left myself for some especially beautiful, and much needed moments, and they turned to Christ.  That’s when we lose the white-knuckled grip we have on those burdens on our hearts.  We get distracted in such a supernatural way…

“And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.”

My friends, I’m blessed.






Comments

  4. I wept as I read of your husband’s sweet gesture. How he brought peace into your heart by sharing in your sorrow and anticipating your needs! I am so thankful to have found your blog today through Ann’s link-up. God bless you and continue bringing peace into the chaos. And, yes, I can relate to the sigh!

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  5. Thanks Gretchen for sharing your thoughts in such graceful thought provoking ways. Yes, God is wonderful to provide us women with just the right man we need. God knows. I know both your parents but I know Knut’s parents more. He sounds so like his dad but am sure he has his mom in him as well. He has a special place in my heart and thus now so do you and your children. I love your mom and just saw her at the wmf retreat. She and her parents are wonderful people. But then so are you mommie dearest who does so much. I know where you live and love looking at all the photos of the home and yard I love farm life. Keep up the good work. God is working and you are a wonderful princess of our Holy King of Kings and don’t you forget it. We are loved baggage and all. Lovingly a family friend Penny E

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  6. Gretchen, it is incredible to me when I read my own story written out by someone I have never met, who lives states away. I could have written an amen after every single sentence in your post, probably. You even echoed what I was just telling my husband about the Lord’s Supper, since last night was the first time I was able to attend church in at least 2 months between having a baby, being on bed rest, etc, and my heart thrilled when I told him I was going to try to take my kids for the first time and he told me it was the Lord’s Supper (we only do it 1x a month too). I can really understand and imagine the beauty and joy of Knut anticipating your needs AND getting to participate in the fellowship of the saints even from a distance at home.
    So yes, this mommy can relate in every way – from the sinful desires of the heart to have everything be “just right” (and isn’t my way always just right? Like yourself, it usually is, but is that what even matters??) Sigh…thanks for the reminder that I am not alone in any of this.

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  7. I’m not a mom but I completely understand! I have those “Why am I the only one doing anything, ever!?” moments. I so often find myself saying “What about me? Who is taking care of me?” The Lord takes care of us all and is using me to take care of my husband. I’m not doing work, the Lord is working through me each day and in all the little things. But each day it helps to have that reminder! It is easy to forget.

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  8. dearest Gretchen,
    I have often had those same thoughts. For years, really. And then one night, after all the kids were in bed, having not done their “kitchen jobs” of unloading and loading the dishwasher I was doing it alone, AGAIN, and the Holy Spirit spoke to me. He said, “what are you washing?” I said, “dishes.” He said, “new dishes, new kitchen, (we had just remodeled) for a family many women cant have, because you have food, electricity and clean water to wash them in.” And it occurred to me that I was listening to the wrong tapes (I say tapes because at 52, thats what I have playing in my head- you probably have mp3’s). My tapes say things like: No one cares that you do all this. No one appreciates you. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. Your husband doesn’t recognize how you serve him. and on and on and on. And instead of meditating and mulling over these and other yucky things, I needed to replace those old, tired tapes with new things. Tis is what is known as ‘renewing the mind’. I began to thank God for the blessings in my new kitchen….and moved on to the family to make messes. The sinful kids whom I love, the husband who would NEVER deliberately say or do anything to hurt me, and I began to cry because of the greatness of the love of God to me, and his ability to re-create; to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ; and to do as Phil. 4 says: to rejoice, and ‘think on the whatevers: whatever is true, pure, lovely, excellent, praise worthy, etc.’ That night was a turning point for me. I wish I could say that I never struggle with having unmet expectations ever since that day, but alas, I am still in process. A sinner saved by his unmeasurable grace. but I can say that since then, it has become much easier to recognize when I begin the ‘poor me’ sequence and nip it with the praises of my ever loving, ever faithful God that I am madly in love with. And when those times come (and they still come often) it is often when my love for him, and my thankfulness is waning, so it causes me to check my spirit and realign myself to the one who loves me best and can and will meet ALL my needs according to his riches in glory. And you can bet that his riches are abundant, so your needs will be met in abundance, too.

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  11. Gretchen, that was beautiful! Thank you for sharing your heart! I pray for you often, dear friend. We definitely need to get together soon. 🙂

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  12. Wow! What a joy your beautiful, honest, and genuine heart is to me and so many others. Thank you for sharing that story; it blessed me!

    Reply

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