Hmmm…last week I had to cut out half my post because I was rambling too much.
This week I have no stinkin’ idea what to write.
I’m starting to feel this conflicting pull when writing about homeschooling. The fact is, most of the time I’m talking about parenting just as much as homeschooling. Until I started homeschooling, I did not realize that’s what homeschooling was. It’s parenting 24/7 for what feels, some days, like forever. It’s insane.
It’s setting up house and home and getting really cozy in crazy town. When people say: “O, I could never homeschool. I need that break from my kids.” Yep. Me too. No argument whatsoever. You do go crazy when you are around them this often.
So we decided to be crazy, and live crazy. It’s…well… *surprise* crazy.
My intent with writing about homeschooling on Fridays is to somehow sort through the crazy. Reflect on the crazy, and somehow make it a little more sane. My only problem is that when I read back through the weeks, I sound…you guessed it. I over-analyze the silliest things. I sound so unschoolish in one post and so extremely structured in another.
I wonder if it’s good for me to reflect on what we’re doing like this so much, but as I’m reflecting on whether or not I should reflect, I realize that reflecting is a good thing. It keeps me on track. It keeps me honest with myself and keeps me on track with the goals set out for the year.
For instance, Silje finished the first half of 2nd grade math this week. She’s so excited about that, and is very bummed that my answer to “Does this mean we don’t have to do math again until after Christmas?” was “no.”
Last week the part that didn’t get published was me having all sorts of doubts and then circling back to confidence and then around that whole argument a few more times on whether or not David is “on track” and if we’re doing the right thing in regards to him. I’m firmly in the “yes, we’re doing the right thing by homeschooling him” camp.
It’s just, when he acts up choir, I wonder if it’s because I didn’t teach him to respect his teacher enough. I wonder if it’s because a classroom setting is so foreign to him. I know eventually he’ll need to learn how to conduct himself in a classroom, but does that need to come now? Every book, every expert, and most importantly, my gut, says “classroom-smassroom.”
It’s not that we’re not working with David on this. I spent more time last week getting David to sit while eating than I did working with his reading. It’s not that we’re reading that little, it’s that we’re working on him sitting that much. I know I need to continue setting a high bar for him, and I know that he will get better with maturity. I even know that if he were in a different school, we’d be facing the same issues with him. I worry so much what other people think, though. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. When he gets excited and can’t sit still in some public place, I think everyone around me thinks I’m doing my son a disservice by homeschooling him. I wonder if everyone thinks that I’m not doing a good job, and should leave him to professionals.
The thing is, I see him improve. I know he’s doing awesome at home. I see the lights go on, and his heart grow big. I know this is what we should be doing, but at this point, I feel like everyone’s just going to have to take my word on that. I wish I could show off my perfectly well behaved children in public, and everyone think I must be some amazing teacher and mother. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way.
What I’m struggling to say is that when my kids act out in certain scenarios, I really want to say, “I know it doesn’t look like we’re on top of this, but trust me…we are devoting our life to this” but I never do because I know how crazy it sounds. They don’t understand. They don’t live in crazy town.
So this tension…this feeling like the kids are thriving doing what we’re doing, and my struggle to relax and enjoy the crazy makes me sound laid back and hip “whatever” attitude combats my need to control everything. Then the events happen where my child does not perform on cue, or do my bidding (which always seems to have an audience) and I want people know that we are all over it. It’s stupid that I want people to know this, when this is none of their business, and they’re most likely not thinking the thoughts I think they’re thinking anyway.
Whew! Good therapy session. See you next week.
Need to unload your school week? Want to share any highs and lows from teaching your kids this last week? I’d love to read other homeschool blogs, so please share with the class your “Homeschool Friday” post. Or just leave a comment below the little linky thingy.
J and K Smith says
November 4, 2011 at 12:31 pmI think you are doing David a huge service to allow him to LEARN rather than being labeled in school with teacher who don’t have time to serve him properly. I think you are doing the best thing possible for him and I admire you for taking on a huge project (all the kids, not just David). …not that it is any of my business. 😉
Alison says
November 4, 2011 at 1:00 pmOh Gretchen,
I had to smile at this post because you fear other people looking at your children’s behavior and thinking…”Oh, thats because they’re homeschooled.”
I fear other people looking at my children’s behavior and think…”Oh, that’s because they’re adopted.” We live the same struggle.
Kids are kids and they are not going to behave in the most perfect way every single time. It is hard because I feel it reflects on me as their mama.
Gretchen R says
November 4, 2011 at 1:19 pmThank you Krisha!
Alison, that’s so true! When I didn’t have kids, or just had my perfectly behaved 1 baby, I’ll admit I wondered why some parents couldn’t pull it together. Now, when I see someone else’s kid act up in public, I completely sympathize with them.
For the record, I think you and Andrew are doing an amazing job with your girls. I’ve never once thought “that’s because they’re adopoted.”
Mom says
November 4, 2011 at 3:05 pmAnd from a distance, I can see how much David has matured. I don’t know too many 6 year olds that call their grammy to say hi and share what’s on their heart. That shows a deep desire to be relational. You’re doing a great job, Gretchen.
Sheila says
November 4, 2011 at 5:44 pmYou are way to hard on yourself!
Kids are kids….all different….the positive side of “formal schooling” is then their parents have someone to blame for those difficult behaviors. 😉
Some kids want/need/deserve a little more time.
We allowed our oldest boy (with a fall birthday) an extra year before starting kindergarden…..he had a smooth school experience and was a much more mature graduate in the end.
Never let blogging create stress. 🙂
tiffany says
November 4, 2011 at 6:08 pmI love this. You have pretty much summed up home education completely!
Thanks for the post!
Kristin says
November 4, 2011 at 7:25 pmFrom one homeschooling mother to another I would just like to say that I’m so glad I’m not the only one living in “crazy town”! 🙂
Anonymous says
November 4, 2011 at 7:45 pmI think you’ve pretty well summed up life. We all have the same tendencies in our personal uncertainties and pressure points….just framed in different circumstances.
If he was in public school, he’d perhaps be labeled by now and have some brochure in his backpack telling you to medicate him. Every situation has its unique issues.
Life ain’t for the fainthearted! And we have a Shepherd who knows EXACTLY what we’re like, and just keeps leadin’ His little flock along! Sharon
Lisa says
November 5, 2011 at 3:08 amGretchen, I admire what you’re trying to do – it’s a monumental task. You may be interested in this blog – ourmothersdaughters.blogspot.com
This woman has raised and homeschooled seven, and she has much sensible advice, which may be helpful to you! 🙂
Lisa Joy says
November 5, 2011 at 9:32 pmThank you so much for this post! I am constantly feeling like other people must be judging us and our kids and what we are or are not doing. I have no doubts that we are doing what we are supposed to be doing, but it does get hard in “crazy town”! You are an amazing mom and you are doing a wonderful job! 🙂
Anonymous says
November 7, 2011 at 5:08 amHi Gretchen,
I posted your Nerdy Gerdy Boutique at a blog I think you’d like: modernmrsdarcy.com.
The author of that blog had a link to this: http://lifeasmom.com/2011/10/planning-for-a-simpler-season-60-days-counting.html
that I thought you would also like. I went to download the e-book (Free!) and the About the Author page struck me as someone you would enjoy knowing.
So, enjoy!
Thinking of you.
Dawn
PS-I’m back up north, for good.
Anonymous says
November 7, 2011 at 5:14 amTo all of you who have made some comment about teachers pushing medications onto kids like David:
I have a rambunctious boy in public school, and I have had fantastic teachers that have never once asked us to take him for evaluation or medication. Please be careful not to stereotype public school teachers any more than you appreciate being stereotyped as homeschoolers. I admire you for what you do but I think we can agree that it’s not for every family and the great thing about America is that we each have the freedom to do what we feel best for our families.