This is the Day

It’s finally here.  Today is my brother, Timothy’s 18th birthday.  Today he becomes an adult.  Today the closed adoption papers are opened.  Today is the first day I could legally contact him.  I’ve been waiting since I was 12 years old for this day.

I’ve written and re-written this post close to 15 times.  I’m not exaggerating.  I had such great plans to raise some money for adoptions in honor of his birthday.  I was planning on printing off these amazing pictures from the blogger Storing Up Treasures that she has released for the purpose of raising adoption money.  I bought the frames, mats, and printed them off.  I actually printed the pictures about 3 different times and something went wrong every single time.  By the time I got them perfect, they didn’t fit in the mats.  I’ll show them anyway, since I’m going to ask you later to pray about donating money to help orphans.  They speak to me, as I hope they’ll speak to you.

I was emotionally exhausted.  Sometimes you try so hard to make sense of things, and keep your feet moving while you do.  Then you get a silly project before you that is just. not. working and all of the frustration of the whole situation comes bubbling forth, and you realize that your feet need to stop moving.  It’s time to be still.  No amount of raising money, printing pictures, and selling them for a good cause is going to give me any more control over the situation than I have right now…none.

I’m still want to promote the adoption foundation set up by Kip and Cathy to help minority children find homes in loving families.  I blogged about them before when Knut and I went to their son’s funeral.  They had saved forever to adopt a child.  They finally got to hold their son, Elijah in their arms, and months later he laid in the hospital with liver failure.  We all prayed and prayed that a liver could be found (an odd thing to pray for, I assure you) to save his life.  At the last moment, a liver was made available.  I remember jumping up and down when I found out.  I was glued to my computer the morning of his surgery to get minute by minute updates of how the surgery was going.  Unfortunately, little Elijah didn’t make it through the surgery.  In their grief, Kip and Cathy started Elijah’s Truth to help bridge the gap between open homes and children needing them.

I’m sure I sound petty next to Kip and Cathy’s story.  I do not mean to equate my pain and longing with theirs.  The part I relate to is the loss, the lack of control.  I have no doubts that Timothy had a loving childhood, and was “in a better place” but I wished him to be near.

What I have is the hope of meeting him here on earth.  As a child, you build moments like this up in your heart so much, that when you reach the day, you look around, and see the drama is not all around you.  It’s all inside.  There’s no big reunion today, and I doubt there will be any phone call from my lost brother.  The childlike innocence and imagination of days like today go so differently.  I would daydream so many times as a child what his 18th birthday would look like.  I did not imagine pouring my heart out to a blog.  In fact, I’m pretty sure blogs didn’t exist back then.  I’ll date myself further and say I don’t think I even had a dial up email account back then.  But I’m veering off topic…

There’s a good possibility that he does not know my brother and sisters and I exist, nor wishes to know.  I believe his bio mom had other children as well.  Maybe I just imagined that, I don’t know.  It was such a long time ago.  I wonder what their story is.

The plan remains the same, and at this point, I hope to make contact with an agency and somehow make available to him a letter.  I don’t want to charge in and claim him.  I don’t want to make assumptions.  I just want to let him know we exist and we’ve never forgotten him, and have prayed for him steadfastly.  Then wait.  Maybe he’ll write back, maybe the letter will never be read.  It’s completely in his hands.

One thing I am sure of…God arranged his adoption.  Hearing the news of his adoption was very happy news to my sister and my ears.  (She was with me when we found out.)  God kept him safe and put him in an ideal situation.  I’m forever grateful to his parents.  They got to be a part of something that is so close to God’s heart.  I’m sure they were blessed for it.

If you’re like Knut and I and do not feel called to adopt at this time, don’t forget that God didn’t call all of us to such a task.  However, God calls everyone to remember the orphans.  Take some time and pray about it.  Getting involved with something that is so close to God has the amazing blessing of seeing God work up close.  If you’re looking for a way to be a part of adoption in a positive way, consider making a donation of any amount to Elijah’s Truth.  My whole fund raiser idea (as a way to celebrate Timothy’s birthday without being with him) fell through the way I had planned it, but I’d still like to take this time and reflect that as believers this is our mission.  I cannot think of any more relevant ministry than the ministry of the home.

I’d love to run into Cathy at the next softball tournament fundraiser that she got a flood of donations as a result of this post.  It would make me feel like I did something.  I didn’t just sit and sulk and wait for my situation to meet my aspirations.  I took that frustration to do something and turned it into making someone else’s life better.  So say a prayer for my family today, and then move onto this site.  I can think of several families who would be grateful that you did.  More importantly, I think you will be grateful that you took the opportunity to see God work up close.