I’m Blessed

Last week I felt like my “I’m Blessed” post was scattered.  This week I’ve tried to have my eyes wide open to see God working.  Normally this is not a difficult thing for me.

After my brother left, like any guest, I had so much to do to catch up with my chores.  I was feeling so overwhelmed and was trying to quickly pull together Silje’s birthday events.  I had once again left them for the last minute, and if Silje has a love language it would be this: parties.  I could not fail her in this, and tried to focus on what was important to her instead of what was important to me.  The house was not as clean as I would have liked it, but the games she wanted went on.

On the heels of her birthday came the expose-all/slightly-melt-down post about my other brother.  O, Friday was tough.  I had a nagging cold that was settling in my throat and a bit of dizziness.  Throw all of the emotions and memories that came with that day and I was a walking, weepy mess.  I talked a bit on the phone with my sister, and a bit with my mother, who both confirmed that grieving mixed with thanksgiving was the appropriate feeling to let myself soak in.  Sometimes you have to let yourself be sad for a time before it passes.

On top of that, the kids were like this:

As the day went on, my voice slowly started giving out until it was completely gone.

There was no one left to talk to but God. 

Talk about being forced into prayer!  However, I did not feel God like I had hoped to.  I felt lonely, isolated and forgotten.

My prayers seemed to hit the ceiling, and my mind wandered to what in the world I would write for this post.  I did not feel blessed.  Last week my thoughts did not come together cohesively.  This week I felt I had no praise to give.  Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t believe that faith is just a feeling, nor is love.  I do think God wants us to be happy, but I think he knows that the path of happiness is through Him.  He knows that love is essential, but his definition of love is different than that of the world’s.  Sometimes we don’t feel love.  Sometimes we don’t feel faith.  It’s so hard to believe it when you don’t feel it.

I remembered what I had heard my aunt say recently over a phone conversation: “Just keep praising Him, Gretchen.  Nothing gets the Devil more worked up than praising God.  There’s no greater weapon that we have.  He’ll try anything to rob you of praise.”

So while I was making my “Mommy is sick and doesn’t care what you eat” supper for the kids of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, I praised God with a will of iron.  I would not let my feelings rob God of praise.  I told God that I wanted so desperately to feel His love that day, but if I was robbed from the feelings, and robbed of any idea of what to write this Monday, I would still praise Him. (I often write my posts days ahead of time, and my mind that day was thinking about what I was going to write here.)

I dawned on me that of course Satan hates this weekly “I’m Blessed” post and wants to rob me of it.  He hates worship of God.  Of course I felt nothing besides the uncontrollable desire to cry all day long.

Just as I finished praying it, a song came on that my sister just sent to me on a mix C.D.  She sent Silje one for her birthday, and threw in a C.D. just for me.  My sister has impeccable taste in music and I am always so blessed when she sends me some.  The song that washed over me at that moment was by Adele, who of course is secular, singing a secular love song that I believe was God singing straight to my heart.  I of course, cried again.  I’m blessed.

When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace,
To make you feel my love.


When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years,
To make you feel my love.


I know you haven’t made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I’ve known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong.


I’d go hungry
I’d go black and blue
I’d go crawling down the avenue
No, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love.


The storms are raging on the wild sea
And on the highway of regret.
Though winds of change are throwing wild and free
You ain’t seen nothing like me yet.


I could make you happy make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn’t do
Go to the ends of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love.

Won’t you take a moment to link your own “I’m Blessed” post, or leave a comment saying how God has blessed you this last week.  Rules and info on linking can be found here.  Don’t be robbed of praise.