Good vs. Right

Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone!  The kids were so excited today because PBS kids was having Valentine’s Day themed shows all day long.  That made my mission for the day clear: keep the kids away from the television.  I refuse to let a television show be the highlight of their day.

So the boys went to a church preschool drop off that’s once a month.  They had a blast doing crafts and songs and playing with all the toys there.  Silje and Solveig and I went for the monthly school-at-the-coffee shop that we’ve started doing on the days that the boys go to the church.  As always, we get the stares, as I’m sure a six year old doing grammar and studying Ancient Greece while sipping the rhubarb tea she ordered herself isn’t a common sight.

Knut and I have have talked a lot recently about what has lead us to our current state of crazy.  We have obviously bit off more than we can chew, and have lost track of priorities.  Especially with Knut’s schedule.  We’ve both said OK for him to do things that are really good.  However, they were perhaps not the right thing to do.  It’s so hard to say no to good things.  It feels selfish and wrong, even though it’s right. 

The easiest example of that is overbooking church events.  It is so good to be involved, but it can sometimes distract from the calling God has given you, and your God-given reponsibilities get neglected.  I think it was unwise of us to say it was fine for him to teach Sunday school at the same time of year he had to prepare year end reports and budget work for the church.  Teaching was something we both really wanted him to do as he loves it so much, so we figured we’d make it work.  He is not capable of “coasting” for Sunday School either.  Even though he’s working with a great curriculum, he spends no less than 3-4 hours in preparation each week.  Minimum.  However, that in comparison to the time needed to get year end financial work done as the church treasurer is just a drop in the bucket.

The amount of time he has spent doing church work in the past few months far exceeds any skiing, or any home improvements that he has promised to get done.  It’s hard to say no to some of that because we somehow equate service in the church as “God” on the priority list.  In that mindset, saying yes to a church activity trumps any family or work obligations, and I do not believe that is correct.  The Bible clearly puts family obligations above church ones in numerous passages. 

Also, we don’t put chores on the calendar, although maybe we should.  I told Knut that if he sees an empty space on the calendar, that doesn’t mean we’re doing nothing on that day.  It actually means we’re trying to catch up from all the other days on that day.

This is also the reason that I haven’t been able to restock my store.  I simply cannot sew and take care of the kids, who have been needing so much lately.  I can multitask and cook, knit, or even type while the kids play.  I can’t seem to get into my sewing room alone, and there are too many dangerous tools in there for little ones to play in there with me.  Having my own business is good and fun, but it cannot take away from my kids.  It’s such a hard line to see sometimes.  When I have to squint to see that line, I step way back from the lower priority.

I intended to start taking diaper orders again in February, but I don’t think I could handle that until Solveig starts sleeping earlier, and better.  I can knit without neglecting the kids, so that part of my business can move on.  Fortunately, I have an amazing husband who insisted that my income was never leaned on too heavy, so if it would drop we would be in a bind.  He would like me to remain a lady of leisure (big chuckle).  Or shall we stick with the antiquated word: “housewife” or the modern “domestic engineer.”  Believe me when I say I cannot possibly equate the words “unpaid” with “unnecessary.”

As we’re setting new standards for ourselves by learning from this crazy winter, we look forward to our plans that we have had for the kids.  We finally paid off enough of our college loans for Silje and David to go to gymnastics or something of that nature this fall.  Now we’re pulling back and thinking no.  It feels so awful because we have no doubt the kids would love it, we can now afford it, and it’s a good active activity for them.

However, fun does not equal good, and good does not equal right.  We watch other families, and one we admire quite a bit, didn’t put their kids in any separate activities, but only did things that the whole family could do together.  If they had some time of leisure, they would take an outing as a family.  This particular family chose skiing and biking as sports for their kids, because the whole family could do it, and do it on their own time. 

We have one afternoon a week that the kids have activities.  I cannot fathom us handling more than that.  Having homeschool group on Tuesdays, along with choir and piano is nice.  What happens when it’s ballet on Wendesdays, or gymnastics on Thursdays, and maybe soccer for another kid on Fridays.  We just can’t do it.  It’s just not right.  The manner in which we wanted to raise our family would vanish. 

It’s true they need constructive things to do, but I think it’s better to choose things that we can do as a family, that benefit the whole family and are not so child centered.  Activities like caring for chickens.  That does not require driving, scheduling, packing up sleeping babies in cars, going through a drive through because we ran out of time, or circling parking lots looking for a spot.  It does require working together, caring for others, caring for God’s creation, and being good stewards.  All valuable life lessons, I think. 

I reminds me of a phrase I once heard: “If you’re not getting everything done, than you’re doing something in your life that God doesn’t want you to be doing.”  I firmly believe that God gives us enough hours in the day to do the work he sets out for us to do.  If we’re not getting it done, than we’ve filled our day with at least something that shouldn’t be there.

As boring as it sounds staying home every other day besides Sundays for church and Tuesday’s for some music and art, I like it.  Keeping it that way as the kids get older, I think may get harder and harder.  Mostly because we’ll have to tell the kids “no” to a lot of things that are good to do.  We’ll have to teach them that good is not always right.  Most importantly, we’ll have to teach them to pray for guidance.  We want them to live every moment to the fullest, without living a cluttered life. 

Well, maybe we’ll have to figure that out together.

I do have to admit, my life has simplified vastly since we started homeschooling, as opposed to Silje going to school last year.  I mean this genuinely, with awe: I don’t know how public school moms do it.  I don’t think I was ever juggling so much and running around so much in my whole life.