Timing

Still here!  As I spent a bit of time this morning typing out the next 2 weeks worth of lesson plans for Silje, I remember distinctly thinking while I did the same thing 2 weeks ago that I probably didn’t need to do it, but it’s good to have everything set up in case someone else was watching Silje and she was begging for something to do.  However, we got through 2 weeks, and now I’m working on the next set of 2 weeks.  Surely this baby will come during this next 2 week time span. 

I feel a bit bad for this little girl, and the hard time and jokes made about her being so stubborn.  Jokes Knut and I have said as well.  We talk as if she’s late, when really, I’m only roughly at 39 weeks.  She’s not late at all!  Each pregnancy of mine has become shorter and shorter that we just weren’t expecting her to actually come near her due date.  We’re thrown a bit off guard by it.

I think we’re so eager for her to come for 2 reasons.  First, I just want to see and hold her!  My arms just ache to cuddle her, and it’s tough to wait for that.  Second, life is just not “normal” right now.  Knut is working so much around the house, I’m just not much use to anyone, the kids sense that we are jumpy.  I’m not going grocery shopping, or window shopping, or bringing Silje to lessons.  Knut just doesn’t feel comfortable with me running errands, and to be honest, I’m not sure my body could handle it right now either.  You should have seen my feet last night.  I don’t think I could have squeezed them into shoes to go out anyway!  My ankles had completely disappeared and my little sausage toes were so fat that they could barely move.

I know the thought is “well, the worst that could happen is you’d just go into labor.”  If that were the case, I’d be at the grocery store right now.  I wouldn’t even ask Knut.  (He’s probably send me there right now if he thought it’s put me in labor!)  Actually, the worst that could happen is I’d end up in the hospital again, NOT in labor again, and ending up even more frustrated.  It causes me a lot of pain and discomfort to do these things, but unfortunately does not result in a baby in my arms quite yet.

Knut and I are both very eager for life’s new normal with 4 kids to begin.  I’d like my routine back, and I know Knut would too.  I’ve been trying to be positive, because it seems better than the alternative, and what can I do about it anyway?  My attitude is really the only thing I can control right now, even though it seems that’s hanging on by a thread.

Last night we talked about it at lot, and spent some time in prayer because I felt a bit at the end of my rope.  I prayed about it by myself too last night, after both those attempts to rely on God for my attitude, because it was too much to hold together by myself anymore. I was struck by the thought of God’s timing.  We always have our expectation on when things should happen.  We figure out when would be the best time and when would be the worst time for things to happen, and then pray and tell God about it, so that He knows too.  You know, it’s good to get everyone on the same page.

I thought about my friend who won the hat earlier this week.  Her little girl was born on Christmas.  If I remember her story right, it was Christmas morning and there had just been a huge snowfall and the roads weren’t even plowed yet, and they had to figure out who of their friends to call Christmas morning to come watch their kids…in my opinion…not the best timing.

But it was.  It was because it was God’s timing, and God’s timing is perfect.  Sure, if we need medical intervention, and that’s the wisest course, we’d go that route, but that’s not even necessary to think about right now and will only bring about worry.  Let’s remember, she’s not even late.

Think of Abraham and Sarah, and how God taught them about His timing.  The problem is that God is always on time, and we’d all feel a bit more comfortable if he would just err a bit on the side of early.  God doesn’t err, though.

I go in between being consumed with wondering when this baby will come, and ignoring the prospect that she’s coming at all.  Ignoring it helps me move on and have some sort of life while waiting.  Still, things happen throughout each day this past week with my body and I think “Hmm…this happened the same day Silje was born…I wonder.”  or “I remember this happened with my body just the day before David was born.”  Seriously, this baby cannot drop any lower, although she’s trying her best.  Every time I think to myself “it’ll happen the next day or so…I’m sure of it…the signs are all there” nothing happens.  And life moves on…and on.

After the time in prayer and reflection last night, though, I feel very renewed today in the confidence that the timing is all in God’s hands.  Had she come 2 weeks ago, I wouldn’t have had this opportunity to draw on God’s strength for mental stability, or to search Him in prayer, or reflect on His perfection, drawing me to worship.

So now that I’ve grown through this and learned the lesson You wanted to teach me and am content to wait for Your timing…she’s going to come, right?  Right, God?  Sheesh, I must sound like one of my kids to Him.