There is a topic of utmost importance that Knut and I are trying to decide on. Silje’s hair. I love her long hair with her soft curls. I’ve always said that as long as she lets me brush and take care of it, I’ll let her have it long. Well, she still lets me, although she is starting to ask, quite often to get it cut short.
To show you what treasure we’re talking of, here she is. She paused for a moment, mid-dance for this picture.
And here is the back. Don’t be distracted by the fairy wings and crown.
She begged us to let her cut it before school started, but we just couldn’t bare it. I told her we’d talk about it again at Christmas. Well, she’s bringing that up, that Christmas is around the corner, and she still wants it cut. If it were up to her, she’d cut it about shoulder length.
Both her grandmas feel strongly about this, and in different directions. So…one of them won’t like whatever we decide. I’ve always said that Silje can have her own style, as long as it’s modest. In our culture, at least, hair length is not an issue of modesty. I can’t help but feel that I’ll have an emotional breakdown if we go ahead with a haircut this Christmas. She’s only had her hair trimmed twice, both around Christmas time. This last time, she was pouty because I wouldn’t cut more off.
On one hand, her hair is beautiful, and I can braid it about any way and keep it out of her face nicely. On the other hand, maybe her curls will really take off if her hair is shorter, and it will be even cuter. Maybe when we cut her curls off, they’ll never come back.
On the other hand, are we allowing her beautiful long hair to become a part of her identity? Would it be better to help her focus on characteristics that matter more like compassion and integrity? I’m sure her hair is long enough to donate. If it turns out not quite as cute (because Silje simply couldn’t not be cute!) couldn’t she just chalk it up to experience and decide she likes her hair longer in the future? It is just hair, after all. Right?
I’m not sure what to do. I would like some opinions please! Please Please Please leave a comment, and tell me what you would do to her hair and why. I fixed the comments so you don’t have to have a google account to leave a message anymore. Anyone can do it. So don’t be shy. If you have any ideas as to what kind of haircut, if we take the shorter route, we should do? I could really use some input.
Anonymous says
October 16, 2009 at 11:39 pmI don’t leave comments very often on blogs, but I thought I would share our philosophy on parenting. When it comes to things like hair length and clothing(providing its modest in nature) we decided not to sweat the small stuff. If they wanted to cut their hair it was fine with us, and my girls wore some interesting outfits sometimes, ok frequently, but we felt it gave them room to express themselves. We wanted to save the struggles for the bigger issues. One thing about hair, is that it does grow back ๐ You guys are great parents and I know whatever you decide will be whats best for Silje.
Mom says
October 16, 2009 at 11:56 pmOf course, I’m one of the Grandma’s, but I agree with the anonymous comment (and with Silje, of course). This isn’t something worth creating a resentment issue over. I really think it will actually get curlier if it’s shorter. You could mousse it and voila! I think it would be really cute.
Love, Mom
amy + ryan says
October 17, 2009 at 12:31 amCut it. Cut it and donate it. You don’t want her having to much wrapped up in her hair emotionally (even if you – understandably – do.) There’s something very FREEING about chopping your hair. And there’s something SO beautiful about donating your hair for someone who actually needs it.
Her hair really is gorgeous. That said, cut it. Cut it, cut it. You’ll have plenty of battles with Silje over how she looks – you don’t want to start any earlier than you have to. ๐ (And my hair is always so THRILLED to curl when I get it cut.)
amy + ryan says
October 17, 2009 at 12:32 amTOO. You don’t want to have TOO much. I do know how to spell.
Sonja says
October 17, 2009 at 12:47 ambeing a cancer nurse, i’ve seen first hand where and who gets touched when you donate hair. I’ve also seen what it means to a patient to be able to have a sense of dignity during such a difficult time. i’d let her cut it and donate it. what a great way to allow her to impact someone’s life in an amazing way…plus it will grow back:)
Sarah Larson says
October 17, 2009 at 1:28 amI learned SO MUCH about myself when mom let me cut my hair. Maybe asking Silje WHY would be a good idea. Does she want to be like the other girls in her class? Or is she just tired of having long hair? I discovered at her age that trying to be like someone else isn’t always worth it (though it took years and years to really understand this concept…I’m still struggling with it). Maybe Silje saw her classmates with shorter hair and envisioned herself the same way. Encouraging that practice isn’t a good idea, of course, but learning that no matter what you do to yourself (hair and all), those girls are still going to look like those girls and you’re still going to look like you. Maybe that’s something she’ll only learn through experience. Maybe asking her WHY she wants to cut her hair would be a good idea! ๐
Anonymous says
October 17, 2009 at 3:07 amThis is not a big enough issue to take a stand on. Let her cut her hair. As parents it is our job to get our children ready to make their own decisions and this is a good place to start. If they can make decisions like what to wear and how to cut their hair you may never have to have a conversation about how you don’t approve of orange hair!
Anonymous says
October 17, 2009 at 10:47 amI’d say let her cut her hair. It will grow back and if she misses it long, she’ll know to just have it trimmed next time. I think hair is a fun way to express yourself and she seems to have a definite idea of what she wants. I agree with the first comment, there are bigger things to disagree about than hair length. ๐ That’s my two cents. ~Heather Krupa
J and K Smith says
October 17, 2009 at 12:45 pmIt is funny how the little things in life can mean so much. Deciding on a haircut can be symbolic of your beliefs as a parent. How much do you value your children’s independence? I love Silje’s hair and would hate to see it cut, but I think she should be able to make that decision. (I have also had long hair for the better part of my life) As a mom it would be SO TOUGH to actually do the cutting.
Jacob agrees with Sarah (I do too, but I just didn’t think of it) Ask her why she wants her hair cut and base your decision on her reason.
Emily says
October 17, 2009 at 1:30 pmBefore I even saw the other posts about donating I was think Locks of Love!!! My son fought me over his hair and now he and I both love keeping it really short. She will be your beautiful girl either way, and this will give her a chance to start to learn to take care of it on her own.
Anonymous says
October 19, 2009 at 2:07 amAs has been mentioned, use this time to talk to Silje about who she is in Christ, His creation, beauty on the inside is the most important, and that even in our appearance we are ambassadors for the Lord. So many beautiful things in Scripture to share with her as she starts being aware of how she looks and choices of how to “wear” her hair. If you can dialogue about this now, and have it be a calm and nurturing conversation, you will have a foundation of trust for clothes and makeup down the road. Even tell her why it’s hard for you/mom to let her have her hair short. Not so that she feels guilty about it, but so that she knows how you feel. They understand much more than we give them credit for!
Make a date to take photos of her with her hair long.. in a special outfit,etc… Then, with your emotions in the Lord’s hands, cut her hair to the agreed upon length. As parents we do have a say, but we don’t have to be stubborn or unreasonable about it. If we are unbending on something like this, we can cause resentment in them. She needs to feel you are on her side in needing to show her individuality. Come to an agreement on it. Make it an adventure, something new and fun.
Her hair will grow back quickly. But you may find that you love the new length and can still do very cute things with it.=)
Anonymous says
October 19, 2009 at 1:59 pmIf Silje wants to donate her hair, check out what the length needs to be, etc… A friend took her little girl to donate, and found that to have the required length she needed it cut much shorter than she planned and wanted. It’s grown to where she wanted it now, but it was too short then. You may need to give it a little more time to get the required length to donate and still keep her hair at shoulder length.
Anonymous says
October 19, 2009 at 6:02 pmDo it! It’ll grow back, and maybe you could make it a reward for some things you would like to have her do (either chores or character). Get some special barrettes, hairbands, ribbons, flowers (whatever) and just let her enjoy her little personality coming out. Hair always grows. She might cry after you cut it, but overall, changes really do build character. At least it’s not her “one beauty”. I think she’ll be beautiful either way, anyway! Love, Heidi