I’m reading a book off my bookshelf this week that I bought ages ago when I heard the author speak at an event, with the best of intentions, but have never read yet. Susie Larson is incredibly inspiring, and I feel like I’m gaining some clarity on some things I’ve been praying about for over a year through reading this. I think I’ve been focusing too big. I’m realizing that I need to focus on the small. I need to focus on the quality and service in the small things, and with the small people. I think that’s what I have been doing, but I see others doing big things, and I wonder if I’m missing something, or doing something wrong because everything in my life is small. My self-doubt and self-criticism kicks in when it is all small.
We all have dreams, and we all have aspirations. I realized that I was concentrating on things I often criticize the Church for doing. I want to be flashy and noticed and smart. The model Christ sets for us is so much more simple. It’s base level simple. Getting off his seat in heaven he came to us. Seeing a need, he humbles himself and washes feet like the lowliest of servants. He is so assured of who he is, that nothing was below him. His identity was so secure that no job could debase it. I think his disciples were annoyed how much he talked about humility. I think they were always thinking of the next level, and he was always pushing the fundamentals. Sometimes the hardest areas to walk in obedience are the areas of the small.
Anyway, I’m gaining some clarity I have been seeking for a few years. I have been patiently waiting for God to show me the next step, and in this book, I see it so loud and clear: go lower. Be smaller. Be faithful in the small, unflashy, unnoticed things. Cultivate those deep, few friendships and stop having these popularity goals for my blog. Value the sweet readers I have and give them the best I have, and stop reaching for more. It’s not that I wouldn’t like more readers, it’s that my quest for them is distracting, and I have no time for that in my life right now.
There’s actually some very long stories behind these thoughts, but this book couldn’t have come at a more opportune time. I wonder if I would have gotten this clarity months ago when I bought this book, or if God was saving it for just this time. Either way, I’m thankful.
My knitting is coming along nicely. I knew it was the perfect summer project, and I was right. It’s a gift for a friend of mine in ministry, who I feel needs some extra arms wrapped around her. Since she is so far away from me, I thought I’d wrap my arms around here in the form of yarn. I hope she likes it. Project notes can be found here. I’m calling this project “Miss Rumphius.” (not my pattern, but I do like to name my projects. Naming is fun.) That name is based off of a character in a children’s picture book, about a woman who scatters wildflower seeds at the end of her life, so that beauty can be found after she is gone. It’s a book that ask the question: what kind of mark are you leaving on this world?”