Contentment

I’m not talking about knitting and reading today, as is tradition on Wednesdays.  I’m still caught in the harvest days of working all day long, only to see what is left undone at the end of the day.  I must content myself with the fact that our days are full of good things.

Just last week, the 3 older kids went to their 4H meeting where our neighbor (who calls their homestead “Yustaboutapharm”) taught them how to make wreathes and baskets.  This neighbor and I have been talking about her teaching me how to spin wool for over a year now, but we may have a tentative date planned now.  She keeps sheep and other animals, and always has fleece to play with.  Actually, she’s the herbal tea expert in the area too, and I want to pick her brain on tea making as well.  Really, I just want to know everything that is inside her brain.  For now, we had to content ourselves with her showing us how to make wreathes and baskets.

Silje was the only one who finished her project, but the boys got some really big ideas, and were inspired to do some stick-related projects since.  Not only that, but they have a much greater appreciation to basket making now!  Silje made what our neighbor called a “kitchen wreath” which has herbs woven in it to dry.  It’s beautiful and smells great.  Silje wants to keep it in her room, but I’ve convinced her to leave it downstairs for us all to smell and enjoy for just a little bit longer.

This morning I’m dragging the kids through chores and we haven’t even started school yet.  I made some blueberry scones.  No one seems in a hurry.  Silje was out until about 10pm last night at a girl’s Bible study that is a part of our homeschool group.  I let her sleep in.  I had to have a long talk with David, twice already this morning.  I have been working hard on not yelling at the kids as much, and just letting the weight of their decisions rest on their shoulders without me stopping them.  It’s hard, because I see so much possibility in their days, but I cannot drag them through it.  I don’t have the strength.  They must see it.  For example, I’ve been working on not yelling at them to hurry up and get in the car, but simply telling them it’s time to go.  Sometimes they don’t listen, and then they miss their activity, and don’t get to see their friends.  That is really hard for me to see them not have things I want them to have.  But, now when I say it’s time to go, they jump and get in the car.  They know that if they don’t listen, they will miss out.

Sometimes I just don’t understand why they don’t see that I’m for them, and I need their help to give them good things.  They’re gradually seeing it.  They’re still just kids.  I suppose discipline, and learning important lessons are good gifts too.  I’m a big believer in natural consequences, but I’ll admit, it’s a really hard way to go as a parent, because it involves reigning in myself so much, when I want to sweep in and protect them from all discomfort.  I’m determined to raise kids who are aware that their actions effect others, and they are responsible for their choices.  Those are rarely comfortable lessons.

When Silje woke up this morning, she told me all about her study last night.  They spoke about contentment.  She said they learned about how they make pictures on billboards and magazines, and how they change those girls’ beauty to sell things through make up artists and computer imaging.  They contrast that with how God talks about beauty, and finding contentment in our design.  This study is for mothers and daughters, and I was unable to go because of this harvest season.  Next month, though, might be a possibility.  I hope so, because Silje said it was fantastic.

Tomorrow is my “afternoon off” as I call it, where I have a weekly scheduled break from the kids and the household duties that just don’t stop this time of year, as Knut can’t be home to give me a break ever, and even requires a bit of extra effort from me to get food out to him.  I’ll admit, I look forward to my afternoon off a lot lately.  I usually only go to a quiet place and work on the math and spreadsheets of my knitting patterns, but the opportunity to have an uninterrupted deep thought is just priceless to me right now.  It has been helping me not burnout, and to be more present while I’m home.

I felt so guilty when I first started having this scheduled break.  I know it sounds silly, but I love being at home with my kids, so I feel hypocritical to desire to be away from it.  I need reminding too, that I’m designed to have regular rest, and I must be content with that design as well.