I’m Blessed

There has been a return to peace this last week.  That’s not to say that the busy-ness has let up.  I think I’ve just identified with such certainty in my brain that my stress and anxiety these last weeks were so fear based, and fear is not from God.  He calls us to live by faith, not fear.  So I’ve been “calling it out” to myself when I see it rise in me.  It’s weakening.  The stress of it all has fallen off my shoulders.  Even my kids have been noticing a difference in me.

Of course, saying one has conquered anxiety this week is like saying that I weeded my garden mid-June, and we’re good to go for the rest of the season.  I think the other part of the equation is that my plan to take care of myself better this school year started taking effect last week.  My new babysitter came one afternoon to give me a couple of hours away from my house and kids.  This will happen every week.  I love being with my children, and I love homeschooling, but I’m so excited about this new built in rest from all of the work associated with all of that.  I’m so blessed.  Thank you to everyone who ever bought one of my knitting patterns.  You are funding this rest for me.  🙂

I’m so blessed by a husband who has been empowering me so much to make some of these tough decisions as all activities are starting for the year, and long commitments and plans are being made.  He’s been supporting me as I’m fighting for peace for our whole family with all of the schedule management.  I know he wants the kids in more sports, and more events.  I do too, but I think we’re both realizing we need peace in our home more than all of that.

The constant preserving in the kitchen has made constant dishes.  We have no dishwasher, so this has made for constant dishes in the sink.  I do dishes for what seems all day long.  The older 2 take turns helping me with them too.  All in all we probably fill and wash a sink-ful close to 7 times a day.  And yet, I go to bed every night with a dirty kitchen, because I just stop from exhaustion.  I just want to sleep.  It’s so, so hard to wake up to dirty dishes, as it’s one of my least favorite thing.  But I’m feeling more rested, less anxious, and I’ve been yelling at my kids less.  These are the decisions I struggle with sometimes.  Do I stay up late, finish all the work that needs doing, and end up with 4-5 hours of sleep a night, or go to bed, and leave work undone?  I’ve started going to bed and leaving things undone.  Ironically, I think my house is getting cleaner because of this decision.  I’m not sure how that is, but it is.  I think I’m just more rested, and am working more efficiently.  My kids are working better, when they see me work with joy, not drudgery.  They are helping better.  I’m seeing a lot of wisdom in this whole taking care of myself better thing.

Knut finally got the barn siding finished this weekend.  When he and family were working on it a few weeks ago, he quickly realized that he had mistakenly not ordered 2 of the metal siding sheets for the last side.  So he had to order them, wait for them to come in, and assemble some family again to finish the last side.  It’s now done, and it’s time to move onto finishing up woodcutting for the winter.  Time to bring out the chainsaw.  Oh, we’re so blessed with wood and a fireplace all winter long!  Seriously, it may be my favorite part of cold weather.  I just can’t wait to have the fireplace going again.

I do miss writing on here more.  Our internet was out a few days last week again, so that was part of it. Oh, country life!  I’m not worried about it, though.  In fact, I was so busy that I didn’t even realize it wasn’t working for 2 whole days.  I was sort of proud of that.  Each day I can only do so much.  I’m learning to be content with that.

How have you been blessed this last week?