So You’re Thinking About Homeschooling

Public Service Announcement: 
This is a longer than usual post.  Sorry about that.  Several friends have asked me to write it so I did, and I couldn’t manage to cut anything out.  It’s all so important.  If this topic does not interest you, feel free to skip.  It won’t bother me at all.  (I won’t even know.)  Just scroll down the page and look at the fun pictures from previous posts, feel refreshed, and go on with your day.  Thank you for stopping by!  Of course I’m not saying you can’t read this post, but certainly don’t feel obligated to read my rambling.)

It’s happened to me a few dozen times.  Perhaps more.

Say a good friend of mine has a 4 or 5 year old child.  Or maybe all of her kids are older and in a traditional school.  It’s said in passing, or intentionally:

“You know, I’m really thinking about homeschooling, but I don’t know where to start.”
“I feel like God is calling me to homeschool, but I’m so overwhelmed by the thought.”
“We’ve decided to start homeschooling next year, and I’m so nervous.”

I love having these conversations with people, and I don’t want people to stop talking to me about it.  It’s just when they do ask me, I’m not always available to give a full answer.  Sometimes I start answering and then I have to deal with a child stuck in a tree.  It’s just the way it goes.  So I thought I’d write out my heart on the matter here, in case I get cut off in one of these conversations in the future, and I have some place to point that current dear friend asking me these questions.

For those whose children are not in school:

This is a scary place to start, most especially if you were not homeschooled yourself.  This is also the easiest place to start, and I would recommend starting here.  When starting here, you don’t have to “de-school” your kids.  You can start with good habits, good systems, and not have to waste as much time.  That said, it is the scariest place to start for a few reasons.

1) You don’t have much frame of reference of what the alternative is.

School isn’t the same as when we were kids.  It’s changed.  It’s changed a lot.  The only frame of reference you have, is likely decades old.  I hate to break that to you.

You see, my oldest went to “regular” school and it took her some time to get new habits.  Not that she had learned bad habits at school, but she had learned school habits.  At home, school habits don’t do any good, in fact they often hinder home learning.  You need home habits.  It was a big gear shift for her, and I would say took 2 years to de-school from her 1 year of kindergarten.

That said, I going through that school year, with the ups and downs of it, I was solidified in my desire to homeschool.  I knew why I want to do it.  I know what the alternative is, and it makes me want to homeschool more.  I’m not saying that’s a good thing either.  I think, probably the worst reason to homeschool is hatred of all the other schools, though that’s where many people start.  That makes it homeschooling by default.  I like to think of choosing homeschool by design.

(The best reason would be that you feel called by God to do it, as if he is the one designing this plan.)

2) Your child is a toddler.

This might be the scariest reason part of thinking of homeschooling.  Your child is 3 or 4.  He throws fits, he’s loud, he’s stubborn.  Lord, do I really have to keep him home?  I seriously need a break!  This will not, cannot work long term!

Let me assure you, that your 3 year old will not always be 3, and homeschooling your children is not as hard as dealing with toddlers.  Some moms thrive at that age.  I do not.  I personally LOVE the school-age.  At that point, I’m just starting to enjoy my kids the most I have ever enjoyed them, and the idea of handing them off for someone else to enjoy is hard.  They are so full of questions, so capable, so funny, etc.  I actually tell mothers of 3 year olds to put the idea of homeschooling out of their mind for at least 2 more years.  Otherwise the idea of “I can’t do it” grows too large.

For those who are taking their kids out of traditional school:

De-schooling is hard.  It might even be harder when your child was not totally on board with that decision, as was our case.  The biggest aspect of de-schooling is learning to live with free time.  Logistically, free time is not the friend of a teacher managing 30 kids.  The kids there all need a job or things fall apart quickly.  So they are constantly told what they should be doing with a lot of structure.

This is just my own opinion, but I think this is a big reason why so many 18 year olds have no idea what to do with their lives.  Their days are filled to the brim and overflowing with activities and homework, and people telling them what to do, and what to learn, and how to think.  Very little time is given to just wondering, just developing their own thoughts, and their own purpose.  Then they reach 18 and all of a sudden have to figure out what they do like, what they do know, what they need to know on their own, how to get what they want, and what on earth is their purpose and what do they have to offer?  The very idea that someone needs to take some years off to “find themselves” is a new concept in our civilization.  Back in the day, kids knew who they were and what they were about years earlier.  They aren’t given much time to process those things in our modern, fast-paced era of helicopter parents, helicopter teachers, helicopter opinionated internet/google-earth world.

In the beginning of de-schooling, there is a lot of complaining about boredom.  It’s like their brain is detoxing from the busy-ness.  They have to relearn daydreaming, and relearn making up games, and relearn the skill of wondering.  You must allow them to be bored.  You cannot give into their pleas to play video games all day long, and maybe even give them a vague list of ideas of what they could do when they are not studying.  Everything on the list may look boring to them.  That’s okay.  When you are starting a new diet of vegetables, it’s not always fun.  But it doesn’t take long to start feeling really good on that vegi diet, and losing that excess baggage.  Resist the urge to fill their days to the brim again.  Start out with the detox period, and slowly start adding things that they are interested in, and have shown that they’ve put some thought into it.  Don’t worry, their days will be full again in no time!

Here are some suggestions for all of that free time your child is stuck with:
play outside
draw
draw outside
read (good books)
read outside
ride your bike
volunteer at a nursing home
build something with wood
plant a garden
learn to knit
learn to sew
learn what every tool in the toolbox does
train your dog
build a fort
read to a sibling
pick out an experiment from a science book
bake some cookies

If they hate my list, I give them an alternative one:
do the dishes
fold some laundry
mop the floor
wipe down the bathroom
vacuum

They normally pick something from the first list, begrudgingly at first.  Learning to deal with free time is sometimes hard, but it’s always rewarding.  I’m told (and I’m hoping it’s true) that this helps with the common “I don’t know what to do with my life” syndrome of college aged people these days.  I want to raise kids who are passionate about their God and passionate about serving their world.  I don’t want them wasting time thinking about what the world has to offer them, and bring to them when they graduate from our school.

For everyone thinking of homeschooling:

I know I can say put it out of your mind and just enjoy your little ones, but I know many are like me, and research everything to death in preparation.  So here’s where you start: Educating the WholeHearted Child by the Clarksons is a great book to pick up.  We started reading The Well-Trained Mind and loved that as well, although our homeschool ended up looking more like the Clarkson’s descriptions.  We do a lot of classical style education, though, and really liked that book.

Plan to make preschool all about play.  Plan about 30 minutes of instruction a day for a kindergartner.  That’s the thing that most of my friends are most shocked by.  They want to homeschool, but don’t think they could pull it off all day, every day.  It’s not an all day thing at that age.  It’s half of an hour.  You don’t even need to make it crafty.  My version of preparing crafts is setting out blank paper and a box of crayons and saying “have at it.”

There’s some great podcasts out there on how to teach multiple ages of kids at the same time.  Sonlight has a bunch of free ones that I highly recommend.  I think I listened to each one 10 times when I was preparing to homeschool.  They lay it out much better than I could and have some good advice for starting out as well.  (Though they are promoting their product as well, they do give a lot of advice and I can vouch for their product.)  Lots of people just buy a curriculum set each year, but most people I know start out with a curriculum, and start going eclectic in their curriculum choices as the kids get older and you start figuring out what you like and don’t like as a family.

Plan to remove distractions.  Homeschoolers finish their work faster than traditional schools, which is great…unless they use all that extra time to sit in front of the t.v. which will be a huge temptation.  “But I’m done with school, why can’t I play my PlayStation?” (says child at 11am.)  And you know if you say yes, they’ll be sitting their playing until 5pm.

Here’s what we do (besides the list given above): we read a lot of books at that kindergarten age, do some writing practice, do some math practice, maybe some phonics stuff when they show interest in that sort of thing.  Then when my “to do” list for their school day is done, they still are in “school hours” until 3pm.  However, what they do until then is their choice as long as it fits 3 main subjects:

1. Something that develops a skill
2. Something that develops knowledge
3. Something that develops character

Want to play with Legos?  I think that develops a skill.  It’s motor skills as well as design, figuring out how things fit, and great imagination.  Want to read books about rabbits?  That develops knowledge.  Want to volunteer somewhere?  That’s developing character.  Want to ride your bike?  That’s a great skill to have.  Want to work on the 10th level of Donkey Kong?  Sorry, Charlie.  I don’t consider that a skill.  The first part of the day they work on what I think they need to know (math, grammar, reading, etc.) After that is done, it’s self school.  They work on their interests.

This looks different at different ages.  David spends about an hour or two in school now (which involves reading books I choose for him, and discussing them, copy work for handwriting and editing, spelling, Saxon math, and some history/social studies on some days), and then he has his open learning time.  Silje has 3-4 hours of school, so she doesn’t get to her own time until after lunch usually.  I have her do reading books I’ve picked out, writing assignments, history reading, Saxon math (though we may switch math programs down the line) spelling, and sometimes Latin.  Elias is still preschool age, so we only work on school stuff when he’s in the mood.  I’m pretty firm in my belief that preschoolers need to be playing as much as they can.  He can already read 3 letter words fairly well, though, and shows a lot of interest in math problems.  He also draws more than my other kids did at that age.

The funny part about this to Knut and I is that our kids do 90% of their learning during this free learning time.  It’s actually quite humbling.  I work very carefully to get them a good curriculum, and make sure they’re getting deep stuff.  But the stuff that sticks?  The stuff they remember?  The stuff they tell stories about?  That’s normally from their own free learning time.  I wish I could say they learn the most from me, but it’s just not true.  They learn way more on their own.  I selfishly wish my version of school was  their favorite.

Silje’s “after school” time as they call it, usually involves studying biology, reading any books, most especially on all kinds of animals (she has read all of them in the children’s section of the library and is now starting to read through the adult section of animal books at the library), as well as reading fiction, being with live animals, doing crafts, working her way through her art techniques book, playing piano, and lately, volunteering at a local nursing home.  She fills her free time with so much science and art, and is actually better at both of those than I am, so I’m just basically her supplier and getter-of-experts for her in those subjects.

David’s “after school” time usually involves building something, being outside building something, racing something, climbing something, and lately, reading something.  Yes, he’s beginning to choose to read during this time.  He also likes working with electrical sets, Legos, magnets, trains, and all things chess and logic.  Also, I’ll link again to his tree project.  Lately, he’s really gotten into math, and does 3-4 extra pages a day just for fun.  He’s sort of weird like his dad that way.  They each have their strengths and my goal is to just let them soar in their strengths as much as they can, and bring up the rear with the subjects with which they struggle.

We’ve also started branching out and doing some formal curriculum things during non-school times.  That way the kids don’t think of it as school.  I do the deep, classic read aloud books with the older kids once the little kids have gone to bed at night.  They love being singled out to read with me, and the little kids look forward to it with all their might.  They’re eager to prove that they can sit and listen, and stay up late, that I can read nearly any classic novel and they’ll listen with interest.  I haven’t told them that’s school, yet, so shhhh….

For the little kids, I get some good literature in them during our tea times in the morning.  Again, it doesn’t look like “regular” school, but if I wanted them to go to regular school, I’d send them to one.  We’re doing things differently, so it’s okay to do things that are different.

P.S. This plan does backfire when friends and family ask the kids how school is going, and they reply: “We didn’t do school today” or “We don’t go to school” or “What’s school?”  You can put your hand over their mouths and sigh and try to fumble some sort of response that you don’t tell the kids that what they are doing is school, because then they feel they must complain.  So they did a lot of learning, and would be happy to tell about what they have been learning/doing that day.

Curricula

Look at different curricula, but know that it can be done on the cheap.  I started out with a box set, and I loved it.  We picked Sonlight and didn’t regret a moment of it.  My favorite thing about them was their amazing book list, and the fact that I just had to buy that “year” one time and I could use it for all 5 of my kids.  It was more money up front, but saves a ton in the long run.  We’re trying out My Father’s World curriculum this year and are liking it too, though we don’t get as many books with that program.  Some people just take the recommended list from Well Trained Mind and check out most of their curriculum from the library, though I’ll admit, it’s a heavy list.

There is so much out there, but the thing to keep in mind is that there isn’t one “best” curriculum.  Think about how you parent, and find a curriculum/style that matches up the most with that.  Pick one that excites your family.  You can pick a curriculum full of cutting out, crafting activities, but if that’s not your style, you won’t do it.  You’ll stare at it and be filled with guilt and think about all day long what a horrible homeschooling mom you are.  If you read to your kids bunches, pick a literature based program, because you will actually do it.

Start out with bare bones, and fill in the blanks with things that interest your child.  Silje is now at the age where, if I’m debating between 2 programs, I’ll let her be the tie breaker.  She loves helping me pick.  In fact, I don’t like doing kids/paper/cutting crafts, but she does.  She is now at the age where I can get the craft stuff, and she’ll just do it herself.  That may sound lazy of me, (and it is) but neither one of us mind where we’re at and it’s working for us.  David, on the other hand, still needs a lot of hand holding.  Also getting him to do little educational crafts is like pulling teeth.  He’d much rather just read a book and have a conversation about it.  Elias is just excited to be doing anything.  If you haven’t noticed, I’m learning right alongside my kids a lot of these things.

That’s okay.  That’s actually normal.

A great place to see a bunch of curricula side by side is a homeschool convention.  If you can’t make one, then order a bunch of catalogs, and make a night of it. There’s not very many bad choices out there.  So you’re going to have to try really, really hard to pick a wrong one.  Worst case scenario is you buy something you don’t need or use.  That’s why I like to purchase as many things as I can that are non-consumable.  Then ebay is my friend.  Some companies have a preview period where you can order their stuff and return it if it doesn’t fit.  There are many, many ways to do it nearly free.  I won’t go into depth on that here, but it involves a sturdy library card, and a bit of leg work.  We use the library some, but I really like having the books available to our kids all the time, and because of our location in the country, we sometimes don’t make it into town to the library for a month or so.  School can’t stop indefinately because of the weather.  We have a great used book store in our little town that I find books at, and I have purchased things on Amazon, ebay, though sometimes I bite the bullet and pay full price as well.

Co-ops

There are a bunch of types of co-ops out there.  Homeschooling groups come in all shapes, sizes, and expenses, just like schools.  You can avoid them altogether if you want.  Some only do field trips, some do a structured school once a week.

Here’s the thing you want to look for: moms you can see yourself hanging out with.

Find a group where the moms are real, and encouraging.  Moms that can be your safe place to voice your frustrations and struggles and have real, honest advice and encouragement to give you.  The co-op shouldn’t be burdensome.  It should be burden lifting.  That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t roll up your sleeves and lend a hand and do your part.  Your family will get more out of it if you are all involved.  Just know there are lots of groups out there, and it’s okay to “shop around.”

The important thing is that you and your kids find a “safe place” to do your thing.  Homeschooling is a controversial thing, and you will hear it from your friends and relatives.  They’ll tell you all about their doubts about what you are doing, things you shouldn’t do.  You’ll hear horror stories, or worries, and sometimes you’ll just hear silence on the subject completely, like they would rather pretend you didn’t homeschool at all.  You need a safe place to talk about the hard stuff with people who are in the trenches with you, or at least a group of women who have graduated their own homeschool students, otherwise you’ll be surrounded by naysayers in your time of need.

Other Thoughts

More can be said about why one would homeschool.

There are so many pros:

good academics
time to do activities/sports/volunteer without missing out on family time
character training
discipleship
socializing with multiple age groups
…I could go on.

Some of the biggest reservations about homeschooling is socialization, which is the butt of every joke in the homeschooling crowd.  It is simply false that homeschool kids socialize less, or have less socialization skills.  Sure, some aren’t the best at it, but the same could be said about public school kids. I knew some weird kids there too.  Weird kids somehow end up in all types of schooling.  Sometimes parents know their kids are weird, and keep them at home so that they won’t be bullied and they can develop to the fullest extent of their weirdness unhindered.  Big studies have been done on the subject, and homeschoolers always come out on top.  The socialization argument is pure myth.

My kids have non-Christian friends and hang out with people of all ages.  Silje just made friends with an elderly lady the other day.  She loves playing cards with her.  I just love that.  She has friends her own age too, and actually gets invited to birthday parties, and has a really, really tough time narrowing down her invitation list for her own parties to a size I can handle.  Socialization is not a concern, and I don’t do anything special for that.

The other concern is that they may miss prom, and dances, and always feel left out.  So here’s my thoughts on that.  First, I hated all my dances.  So there.  Second, if you want to find a way to make that happen because it’s so important to you, you can.  Third, you have to get over the fact that your child will not have the same exact experiences as you did growing up, regardless of where they go to school.  Go ahead and fully mourn that.  They are living in a different world.  They’re living in a world of texting and internet and iPads and cell phones and learning about sex in 2nd grade, and IEPs , etc, etc, etc.  Your child will not have all the things you had.  That’s okay.

God has a totally different life planned out for your child than he did for you.  Think about that.  So the question ultimately boils down to: what is God calling your family to do?  Is it public school?  Do it whole heartedly, has hard as it may be.  Is it private school?  Then do it wholeheartedly, as hard as it may be.  Is it homeschooling?  Then do it wholeheartedly, as hard as it may be.  The fact of the matter is, we need to follow God’s leading, and not make our decisions based off of fear.  Is fear holding you back from something?  I think most moms know in their gut what they need to do, but that gut instinct and deep fear sometimes like to mix together, and that’s when it gets hard.

As far as the homeschooling cons?  I’d be lying if I said there weren’t any.

Do I get sick of my kids?  Sometimes.  We have far more good times than bad, though.  I mean waaaay more good times.  It’s incomparable.  I still get mad at them.  I haven’t magically become perfect.  I don’t know of any perfect teacher, though, in any school.  I don’t have a lot of patience, but homeschooling has developed more of that in me.  They say patience is a muscle…it grows with use.

It’s sometimes frustrating when there is a battle of the wills.  That isn’t anything new, though.  I experienced that with them before I started homeschooling.  It’s just a continuation of that discipleship, not a brand new problem.  If you survived your kids being at home when they are little, you’ll survive them at home when they are older.  It’s one thing to know what you’re getting into, and counting the cost.  It’s another to worry about the next 12 years all in one week, and try to take in the magnitude of it at once.  Just like anything else, you get through one day at a time.  I will say, the longer I have homeschooled, the more I enjoy it.  I would say that same thing about mothering in general.  You learn the practice of joy.

There is a financial cost, though like all things it can be as much or as little as you like.  I’m lucky in the fact that my budget for our whole family when we started was about $300-400/year per student.  (We added on a Chinese program that first year as well that will likely last us forever…)  In the homeschooling world, that’s pretty high.  We wanted to invest in a curriculum that could be used down the line of all of our kids, though.  In the end, I believe it will pay off.  This next year, it will be closer to $500 for the whole family just because I’ve gotten some good deals and have bought used things, and as we have gotten involved in our homeschooling community, people pass things down.  I know many families who do it for $200-300/year put together, though they do a lot of legwork to make that happen.  When your kids are in preschool, kindergarten, though, I’ve only spent about $10 for a used version of a phonics program and then I just read to them as often as I can.  That costs nothing.