Family Size Awareness

Not that long ago, I took all the kids out to lunch when we had to be in town pretty much all day for various appointments, activities and errands.  When you live in the country, you bunch your town business together as much as you can like that.  It’s a whole 15 minute drive, so I don’t know why we do that, but we do.

It was just some simple fast food place, which the kids always view as a special treat because we so rarely go.  In order to keep everyone’s mind off of whatever prize is in the kids meal that we never buy, everyone needs a job to keep busy.  David, fill the water glass.  Silje, can you grab some napkins and ketchup?  Elias, can you move the high chair over to our table?  Solveig, can you play peek-a-boo with Ingrid?

Things actually go very, very fast.  The key is to know exactly what the order is before entering and have a plan for how various situations will play out.  Also, a long lecture to the kids while still in the van about what sort of behavior you expect from them inside the restaurant is always helpful.

The meal went pretty well.  Once the food was nearly gone, everyone was getting antsy to move and I was beginning to see the subtle signs of the kids starting to fall apart in about 10 minutes.  I don’t know how moms can tell, but the signs are there.  So we got out of there.

Once back on the road, Silje asked me: “Mom, sometimes I feel like people look at our family when we go places.  Like, maybe they’re wondering why we aren’t in school.”

I told her, perhaps.  Perhaps they’re looking at us because they think you should be in school.  I told her the story of when I took 4 kids to the mall by myself to get some shoes (before I was even pregnant with Ingrid).  I felt like all eyes were on me as I didn’t even have a stroller, but just had Solveig in my Ergo carrier, and held Elias’ hand firmly as Silje and David walked close by.  I learned somewhere around the 3rd or 4th baby that sometimes the stroller is the problem, so I very rarely use mine anymore.

Every kid wants to “help” push the stroller, which of course is never helpful, and then there’s the fights over who gets to push and for how long, and if it’s not someone’s turn, but they decide to just touch the stroller to bug their sibling….  Plus, you bring things that you don’t really need, but you have the space so why not?  I find that having a baby in a carrier, and a small diaper bag with about 2 diapers, a thin receiving blanket and a few wipes are all I like to carry places.  Everything else is kept in the car.  Plus, I don’t have 2 hands to put on the stroller.  My hands need to be grabbing children and keeping them close.

I digress.

So anyway, I remember everyone staring at me, and finally when I got to the shoe place, the staring got worse, and finally, I asked a customer next to me, “Do you know why everyone is staring at us?”

“It’s because you usually don’t see kids as well behaved as yours in public.”

I will never forget that kind young lady.  After having countless times where a baby has screamed his lungs out, or a toddler has thrown a tantrum and then turns limp in public, or have an argumentative school age child try to reason with you why they “need” something they don’t need at all, all under the watchful public eye, it was so nice to just get a compliment like that.  I was feeling so self conscious, and really it wasn’t what I thought at all.

So I told that story to Silje as we were driving the other day.  I also made the comment, “And you know, we are kind of a large family.”

Now, this… they couldn’t believe.

“We’re a large family?” David piped in.
“Yep.  5 is a lot for a family this day in age.”
“What do most families have?” He asked.
“Um…about 2.”
“TWO!!!” a chorus of voices behind me in the van gasped.

“But we know families with 10 kids!” David said.
“No, we know families with even 12 kids!” Silje said.
“Yes, but that’s not the norm.  Most families in the USA have about 2.” I said.
“But we know lots of families with 4 kids, even.” said David.  He then listed them all.
“Yes, but we live in a small town where families tend to like to live.  In big cities, families tend to be much smaller.  It’s more normal in our town to have 3 or 4 kids.  There’s not as many with 5.”

“I don’t even know if I know a family with ONLY 2 kids.” David exclaimed.
“Hmmm… [I reminded him of 1 family in our circle that he knew.] Plus, your friend L, he was an only child for lots of years.”
“Yes, but then he got 2 little twin sisters last year. ” He then proceeded to list the names of all the families with 4 kids, or 5 kids, or 6 kids.
“I heard that homeschool families tend to be bigger.” Silje said.
“No, what about the Y family, or the H family?” David said.  “They go to public school and they have 4 kids.  The other one has 6.”

“Still, we are considered a large family in our country.  Most people don’t just walk into a fast food place, by themselves with 5 little kids.” I said.
“We’re not little.” David said.
“Well, not all of you.” I said.

“Well, we don’t know why people watch us.  Maybe it’s because you guys are doing a good job, or because Ingrid is smiling so big, or someone has boogers hanging off their nose, or that we’re a big family, or maybe they do wonder why you’re not in school.  We just don’t know.”

“Huh.  2 kids.” David continued, as he looked out the window deep in thought.  “2 kids!  I guess I never thought of us as a large family.  I just figured we’re sort of a medium size one.”