I’m Blessed

I had this beautiful moment this last week.  I had been working for a few weeks on a deeply personal post, but one that was so personal that I was too afraid to share.  I was caught in this place where one part of me wanted to stand up for an injustice, and one part of me didn’t want to offend anyone.  No, it was that I knew the deep hurt some people were coming from and I didn’t want to crush them.  I prayed a lot.  I didn’t want to be a coward in my faith, but neither did I want to politicize Christianity.

I prayed.  I wrote.  I posted.  It went viral on a very small scale.  It’s more attention that I was used to x1000 or so.  I know there were some out there who were praying for me.  It was fun, as well as nerve wrecking to see comments come in.  I got so many emails.  Some good, some bad.  Mostly good.  Some were upset that I portrayed the abortion industry so badly.  Some were upset that I had not portrayed them bad enough.  Some were upset I had told my kids about abortion at such a young age; some were upset I didn’t share enough and didn’t show them gory pictures to drive the point home.

I became even more acutely aware of my depravity, and my need for Christ.

It was awesome.  Have you ever been so aware of how much you need Christ, that the Holy Spirit just washes over you?

It was Friday night, and the kids were in bed, and I was washing dishes.  I was very aware of my failings of the day.  I was aware of every poor parenting moment, and how my kids forgave me, and I was very aware of how God had taken my flawed writing to minister to others.  I was in awe that he would have done such a thing.  I had put on one of my favorite worship CDs (Third Day) and started dancing back and forth with my arms in the sink up to my elbows in suds and warm water.

I want to sing a song for you, Lord…

A song of your faithfulness 
A song of your grace
And of your loving kindness 
To the glory of your name
With everything that’s in me Lord
Listen to me say
I want to sing a song for you, I want to sing a song

The CD continue playing, as I went through the silverware and the mugs.

Who am I that You should suffer
Your very life to set me free
The only thing that I can give You
Is the life You gave to me

This is my offering, dear Lord
This is my offering to You, God
And I will give You my life
For it’s all I have to give
Because You gave your life for me.

It was at that point, where my prune-y fingers left the soapy water and the mess on the counters, and I lifted my hands in the air, bowed my head, and let the soap run down my arm and get my sleeves all wet.  I just couldn’t help myself.  I was getting washed.  I was being cleaned.

…and I’m Lutheran.  When our hearts pour out to the Lord, it is shown by standing respectfully.  If the Spirit is going really crazy, we sometimes close our eyes, and if we’re worshipping with our Christian friends from other denominations we may sway.  We don’t raise our hands and dance in our kitchen while doing dishes.

Father in Heaven
Lord, may Your name be glorified
Above all others
Above all this world
Above everything else that is in our lives
For nothing else in all of this world matters
But to live our life for You and You alone.

Each and every word was ministering to me.  In the middle of my messy kitchen, and my messy life, and all of my shortcomings, and all the ways I fail, with tears in my eyes, the Holy Spirit came and ministered to me, and it was awesome.  I know that word is over used, but I was literally full of awe.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of Earth
Will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace.

I am blessed.