Teacher Notes

Ugh, I’ve been dreading writing today’s post.  I so don’t want to tell you how homeschooling has been.  Upon much reflection on this in the last few weeks, and lots of prayer, I’ve realized our homeschool is just fine.  My kids are still fine.  I’m just not wanting to tell you how I’ve been.

I’ve been so hormonal.

I’ve been so moody.

I’ve been so irritable.

I’ve been so guilty about the above 3 items.

Running through my mind the last 2 weeks or so is the same thought: my kids don’t deserve to deal with me.  Certainly, there must be someone better suited to teach them.  God surely made a mistake when he called me to this.  I must have misheard.  I’m screwing them up.  There’s about 1,000 + things I should be doing better.  I need more patience for this job.  I need to be a better person.  If they were going to school somewhere else, they wouldn’t have to deal with my raging pregnancy hormones right now.  They would be in a fun place.  At least, more fun than I am right now.

Mentally, it’s been a battle.  Right on time, like clockwork, when I feel like I’m near bottom, my monthly homeschool mom support group met.  I love those women so much.

I felt like I walked in there so empty.  Empty of ideas, empty of hope.  Frustrated.  Guilt-laden.   Holding onto this whole homeschooling thing because the one thing I don’t doubt is that God called Knut and I to this.  But surely, God must know what a failure I am. 

I left there so encouraged, so refreshed, and with a bucketful of ideas and tools and resources for hitting the next month.  I’m not the first homeschooling mom, (or the first teacher for that matter) who’s had a tough time dealing with kids through the uncontrolled emotions.  Given the more than usual large families in the homeschooling community, it’s certainly not unusual to deal with it. 

I’m reminded once again why the Bible stresses real fellowship.  We as a body need each other so desperately.  We are not meant to do this all alone.  It may feel like we’re alone in our troubles, but that’s a blatant deception, and we moms especially need to see that.  I think of Elijah, who felt he was the only one left.  I think of the multiple ways Satan isolates us to make us feel like no one would understand, people will rush to judge, and it will only lead to more loneliness.  There’s so much power in fellowship, and in our independent society, it’s so important that we see ourselves spiritually as a body of believers, not just an individual.  That’s a whole other study I’d like to do sometime.

On a practical note, (really changing my tone here), David’s glasses have been great.  He really loves using them, and as he explains it, “They really help my brain relax, so when I see the math problem, it just makes sense.  I don’t have to concentrate as hard.”  I’ve tried picking apart that statement of his to try to understand him better.  He’s aching for more work to do, and I’m determined to assign him more.  He’s not expressly asking for it, but he complains a lot of being bored, and when I suggest schoolwork, he doesn’t fight me much at all.  We still really need to work on his attention span, though.

He’s crusing along in Chinese, much faster than Silje did, although if he gets stuck, he always asks Silje who helps him out, and Silje didn’t have that helper.  He still likes to figure out how things work, why they work the way they do, how things are built, why they aren’t built another way, etc. etc.  His questions sometimes drive me bonkers.  Legos are my friend. 

He’s been eager to be a help, and be “the man of the house” when Daddy is at work.  It’s not all roses, but really, I see him stepping up to the plate maturity-wise.

Silje has been my quiet help.  She’s been practicing the piano a lot in her free time, and she’s getting to the level where I really enjoy listening to her play.  We just got her Christmas songs music book in the mail and she has wasted no time pulling it out and starting to work through it.  She spends a lot of time reading still.  She still wants to be a vet, and has started doing “check ups” on Lena and the chickens.  She reads books on animal anatomy and care, and tries to locate all the parts to each of the animals, and make sure they look right.  I like when she’s with the animals in the yard because she’s been able to save some of the chickens from the roosters’ brutality by chasing them off every now and then.

Don’t get me started on the roosters.  If it’s not done this weekend, I may butcher them myself.  They’re such bullies out in the yard these days.  It’s painful to watch.  I need to clear out space in my freezer.  Add it to the list.

I digress…

Silje has been very careful around me these days.  She is old enough to see I’m on edge, and she’s trying hard to make my life easier.  You have no idea how guilty this makes me feel.  I know it’s a good trait for her to have, and I appreciate it so much, and it makes me beam with pride that she’s my daughter, but I HATE that she’s tiptoeing around me.  I don’t want to be the kind of mom my kids have to tiptoe around.

Knut somehow feels that my moodiness must be due to some sort of dietary imbalance and has become my food intake tsar.  I somehow regret taking him to meet the midwife.  He asked her all sorts of questions since I’ve been telling him how great she is at helping me feel so good through diet.  So now he wants me to have molasses on everything instead of brown sugar, and is making me these spinach omelets in the morning, when I would just like a piece of toast and a large cup of coffee.  Then at night he brews me these special herbal teas instead of the black tea I prefer.  It’s ok, though.  The food isn’t bad, and I don’t mind being babied by him.  Eventually he goes to work and I can pull out some cookies to snack on and all is well. 

Some things can be solved with a healthy diet, and other things can be solved by dunking a chocolate chip cookie into milk.  I’m so hungry all the time that I can have both.

At any rate, I feel so pumped up for this next week after my mom’s night out.  I got some great tips on extending the kids’ attention span, and developing better habits.  We need some better habits for sure. 

We’ll get there.  My kids are exhausting, but still surprising me by how much they’re learning and growing in maturity each day.  It would be easier if Elias didn’t recently decide he hated going to the bathroom again after a few months of no accidents.  That’s been miserable.  I blame my lack of good habits, which is #1 on the list right now. 

God has put on my heart this evening, as I write this: “When I am weak, He is strong.”  Upon reflection, I see how true this is in our life right now.  I may be failing, but my God certainly is not.