Whew. It’s good to be back. I’m eager to write this post because I’m in need of it. You’d think that after coming back from such an amazing trip, rejuvenated, I would be flying with the clouds for awhile. In all honesty, even in Hawaii I had my tearful moments. With so much less stress there, it didn’t come up as much, but it has dawned on me the other night that I’m nearly in the third trimester. I’m not just perpetually pregnant…I’m actually a ticking time bomb.
I just reached the moment the other day when I realized that before I know it, it will all be over, and I will have 5 children under my care instead of 4. While this thought excites me, it doesn’t change my hormone levels. Those levels have reached the point where I’m close to tears often, and often without reason.
In my “normal” state, I’m actually cry way too easily, and that’s not because I’m sad often, but because I don’t always have the best handle on my emotions. A good portion of that is crying from joy. Then there’s crying from frustration…
The added problem with the hormones of pregnancy in my body is that I am aware that sometimes I’m illogical. I recognize that. When that happens I often just keep my mouth shut, and try to keep myself from looking stupid, or inflicting my illogical will on others. Unfortunately, it doesn’t stop the churning frustration that things aren’t going my illogical preferred way. I just try to keep that frustration to myself so everyone doesn’t have to deal with my issues.
When I get to the point of frustration that I can’t manage my feelings that I recognize don’t make sense, I start crying because I’m mad. Then I feel better. Crying is cleansing. It’s a good reboot button. I feel so silly about it, though.
So this morning I need some reflecting on blessings. I think it will be some good medicine.
I’m blessed with Knut. I’m blessed with our time together. I’m blessed that he is who he is.
I’m blessed with our extended family, both for watching our kids when we’re gone, and being there for us when we got back. I enjoyed talking to my sister-in-law yesterday as she shared he excitement for moving out of the basement of the in-laws, and into their own house 45 minutes away from us, instead of a 2 day drive away from us as it has been in years past. I’m so blessed that they’re going to live close, as her friendship couldn’t have been made available at a better time.
I’m blessed that we have the freedom to make so many decisions for our family. As we approach school starting, and the birth of our baby in a few months, my mind is consumed with working out the details of those 2 events. We are making some choices that are not “common” to the mainstream, but I’m blessed that we live in a place where we are allowed to do what we think is best for our family, and not the status quo. The details sometimes overwhelm me, but I would much rather have that then to have the inability to make those decisions at all, or have someone make them for me. Freedom often means more responsibility, and therefore we shouldn’t try to remove all responsibility from our shoulders, or we might find ourselves in an oppressive state.
I’m thankful for my kids. David especially has been so, so helpful. Solveig is sleeping better. Her kisses and jibbery talk just light up my day. She talks so seriously to me these days, and I listen intently as her tongue moves around to “pretend” talk without saying anything you could technically call a word.
And lastly, I’m blessed that some leaves are already turning on the trees. Although it seems early, it is most welcome. I love Fall. There’s something about it that just is calming and consistent, and settles down the craziness of Summer.
Please share how God has blessed you this last week. This week more than ever, I’ve been looking forward to reading what you will write.
Teri says
August 27, 2012 at 6:18 pmSo glad you has such a wonderful vacation and time alone with your husband.
Yesterday was my 12th anniversary. It’s a huge blessing for me, because for a long time, I wasn’t sure if we were going to make it. This past year, with the help and support of our family and the guidance of a wonderful Christian counselor, I can proudly say that I no longer feel as though my marriage is falling apart. And even though our family still has quite a few struggles that we are working at overcoming, I am starting to cling to God’s truths more than ever before. He is with us as we go through this and will work everything out for what is best.
Mom says
August 27, 2012 at 7:39 pmSo much to be thankful for. I’m glad you are still doing the Monday morning “I’m blessed” blogs. I’m so thankful for your in-laws as well and that the kids were fine during your much-needed vacation. I’m blessed with family and especially parents with whom we can fellowship and worship God together as we did at a gathering last night.
Canna says
August 28, 2012 at 1:47 amI’m blessed to know that there are people out there like me. People who are real and have real struggles. And 4 kids close in age, though, unlike you I am not pregnant with my fifth…yet. I too, have strong emotions, especially when pregnant. You are not alone.
Kimberly says
August 29, 2012 at 5:08 pmoh you are sooo much like me!! I too struggle with the managing of my tears….tears many times for no reason. With 7 pregnancies …the tears came more often and the struggle to hide them became more work!! Hang in there…take it day by day and for me it was sometimes hour by hour and stop…pause…breathe and look around and enjoy every MOVEMENT of that miracle in you!!