5th Time Around

I’m slowly feeling better.  I’m not totally better, but I’m improving.  I have to be encouraged by that.

I have to chuckle a bit at how different this pregnancy is.  Actually, it’s no different at all from my body’s perspective.  I’ve been pregnant before.  I know the drill.  It’s everybody else that is a bit different.  Well, not everybody of course.  Probably a minority.  Random people.  When it’s your first time, everyone ooohs and aahs.  You hear 7 times a day the question “How are you feeling?”  It gets quite annoying, because no one really wants to know the nitty gritty of how it’s going.  It’s not very pleasant.

People don’t know what to talk about with the 5th baby.  If you complain about how sick you are, some people give you a look as if to say: “And you’re surprised?  It’s not like you didn’t see this coming!”

The big deal with the 5th baby, is everyone wants to know what your family plans are at this point.  People want to know if you plan to have 20.  People want to know if you’re done.  People encourage you to be done.

It might be the weird sense of humor I have that I don’t give concrete answers to question “So…how many are you going to have?”  I mean, if I’m going to be honest, my answer is “I don’t know.”  The problem with that answer is it just leads to more questions.  “So does that mean ‘however many the Lord gives you?'”  “What’s your take on birth control?”  “You do know if you don’t use birth control you could end up with 20…right?  So you plan to have 20?”

I do believe in birth control at this time, although I don’t like hormonal birth control…morally.  “I don’t know” usually refers to the fact that I’m undecided.  Well, some days I feel very, very done, and other days I wonder.  In fact, I’m so undecided I’m not even seeking an answer.  I figure God, Knut and I will figure it out as we go.  Right now I know I’m having another baby, so it’s not important that I know what comes after this.  That information right now is enough to keep me plenty busy.

This laid back attitude bothers some people, and I think that’s funny.  So I normally leave it at “I don’t know” and let them wonder…just for fun.

The 5th time around I’m very opinionated.  I know what I want and what I like.  I’ve taken certain opinions about how to manage my pregnancy, and how I prefer to give birth.  For a change, I’m seeing a midwife this time instead of my OB.  I still love my OB and plan to keep him as my doctor.  I love his way of seeing medicine, how laid back he is and the way he talks to me like I have 4 kids, and not like I’m 4 years old.  Unfortunately, I give birth on weekends he’s never working, and I just get annoyed with people I don’t know and haven’t sat down and talked with making decisions for me without me.

Actually, it’s really not a reaction against anybody.  It’s more of a discovery of a midwife’s model of care, and it lines of perfectly with my personal philosophy.  Prenatal appointments are about an hour long with midwives and you cover so many more things than vitals and charts.  You discuss nutrition, herbs, exercise in depth and they actually have time to talk about your family and emotions.  Midwives do things differently than doctors, and I like their way of thinking.

So I’m going with a midwife this time.  I just met with her this last week and I just love her.  She’s been attending births for about 30 years and is so knowledgeable about natural birth she astounds me.  She’ll let me do my thing, and I believe will respect my pigheaded wishes…as long as everyone is safe. Already she taught me that the Tums I take for heartburn…although very safe may be stopping some of the iron absorption in my body, and suggests I take chewable papaya enzymes instead.  Since iron has always been a big deal for me, I find that info very helpful.  We’re off to a good start.

I still have the same fears, the same nausea, the same loss of appetite, the same excitement.  So much is the same.  However, I move forward with more confidence, I know when my freaking out is a phase, or if it means something.  I know how I want to be helped for the birth, and what it will feel like.  I already have a maternity wardrobe, but can afford 2-3 new pieces from ebay to spruce it up.  I know the sickness is almost done, and I will soon tear this house apart in a cleaning tangent.  I cannot wait for that, because it’s really bad right now.  There are still unknowns, but there are less of them.

I like this 5th time around.  It’s been good.