Teaching Moments

This evening, Knut called saying he was going to stop in for supper in about 30 minutes, and I had to get something ready. The boys were being loud, and the fire in the fireplace needed some help before I lost the flame all together, and I needed to get the chicken in the oven, and my kitchen was a mess.

Knut and I had talked about moments like this last night. These moments when I can tend to melt down. It’s something I’m working on. As we digressed from my stressful moments, I said that Silje and David are getting old enough to be of some real help. Not just the 2 year old “pretend” help that is actually the opposite of helpful, but actual help. Knut is always much better at letting the kids dry the dishes while he washes them. I’ve just gotten in the habit of doing them myself. I mentioned to Knut, that when Silje is 7 or so, she might be able to wash the dishes herself.

He rolled his eyes and said “she’s ready now, Gretchen, you just need to let her.”

He was right. I don’t let the kids help me much because I struggle with being a perfectionist. Don’t laugh. I know I’m messy, but I like things done a certain way, and so when I do something, I want it done right. That sometimes means that other things don’t get done. It’s something I’m working on because I know my kids need to learn this stuff. I just feel when I’m teaching them how to do chores, I get really snappy, and then give up. I’m not always as encouraging and inspiring as I wish I were.

So in my moment of madness tonight, I called to Silje who was coloring in the other room, and asked if she would come and see me when she was done with what she was working on. It was barely a minute, when she came in the kitchen and asked how she could help. (That alone is awesome.)

I asked if she would work on the dishes while I cook. She looked at me and said “you need some dried?” I said, no, I would like her to wash them, and I would show her how. You would have thought I told her her we’re going to Disneyland. She couldn’t believe she was finally old enough.

It didn’t take long for her to push a chair up to the sink, and was more than ready to work.

I showed her how to work the faucet, and how to pick the right temperature. I showed her how to add the soap, and thought she could start out with the silverware. I showed her the scrub pad I like to use, and the washcloth Daddy likes to use, and told her she should try both, and see which way fits her best. She felt so independent.

She started with the silverware, and then went to the glasses, and then the plates. She worked with such care, and had so much fun. It wasn’t even a few minutes in when we realized she needed her hair in a big floppy bun, and she wanted her work apron on, as she was getting wet pretty fast.

I asked her to redo a few dishes that I didn’t think got clean enough. I didn’t want her to just swish the water around. If she’s going to learn, she might as well learn how to do it right. After I pointed out another dish to be redone, she had the look of discouragement. I told her it was just her first time and she was still learning! I was expecting it to not be perfect, because it wasn’t perfect time, it was practice time. Her chest puffed up again.

She added too much soap, and had lots of fun with the results from that too.

I asked her to leave the knives and the cheese grater for me to wash, but she got them all done besides that, and was so excited! We talked as she worked on the dishes, and I was putting supper together, occasionally adding more dishes to her pile. She was so proud of herself as she sat down to eat, and was telling David all about her new status. He was so jealous.

She hung her wet apron on a cupboard door. I should have gotten pictures of the other part, but like I said, it was a busy time.

Can I just say that I love this age. With all the work that goes undone around here everyday, I feel like Silje doing the dishes was such a breath of fresh air. I know she won’t always like doing the dishes, and may not even like doing them tomorrow. It’s just nice that they are getting to the age of genuine help. Not only that, but we worked alongside each other and talked. That was a memory I’m going to treasure for a long time.

I know my mom will be laughing, as she knows better than anyone how much I hate doing dishes. I just can’t believe that maybe I’ll have someone else to wash dishes when I’m cooking maybe once a day from now on. I know she won’t wash everything, and she will need help, and the bulk of this chore will probably still be in my corner. But Silje genuinely took part of my burden tonight, and that feels so refreshing.

Part of me feels guilty for using her in that way. What can I say…we moms can’t really do anything without a little bit of guilt –especially when it benefits us in any way. However, when I look at her face, and see the accomplishment that she felt and the way she just sat a bit taller at supper helps me know that this is right.